The Power of Love
by yesika
Summary: Exactly how strong is the love that Bella and Edward share? When put through the trials of life can their love survive? Join them as they embark on a journey where everything is challenged their love, their trust, their morals and their desires. AU
1. My Insanity

**Story Notes:**

**_D__isclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in this story. _**

_This story is written for fun. I am an enthusiast and a fanatic of the lovely Stephenie Meyers. _

_Also please be patient. This story is already written. The first 5 chapters are short; they are glimpses that help set up the story. As the story progressed it seems that the chapters get longer and longer. Also this story is told from various points of view. Each view will be posted to avoid confusion._

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**BPOV**

**Tormented**

_Here it comes_

_A wave of utter, disappointment_

_No matter what you do, you can't stand up to it  
__It's coming so fast, you can't hide, you can't run  
You have been here before  
The coming darkness, a symbol of the overbearing sadness that will rule your world soon _

_A remorse so deep and heavy, not even the strongest can battle  
Behind you still lies the shimmering light embedded across the sky, spread thin, a last remembrance that there is such warmth... such hope  
You don't want to give up, not yet.  
Each time it's harder to fight, easier to give up. _

_Misery knows your weaknesses and there are simply too many of them to fight away.  
It's contagious.  
A plague.  
A kindling effect.  
No one understands.  
No one can see your pain.  
Better to just let it come.  
Better to be alone; in the dark in the rain.  
Once you're consumed with the horror, it becomes your only friend, __all that you know _

_So difficult to climb out.  
Impossible to move.  
It's the mono of life sucking at every limb of your body.  
A lifeless zombie you are.  
No one understands.  
The anger begins.  
Remorse thickens.  
Hibernate till next spring and pray you do nothing.  
Push the feelings away. Do nothing.  
Nothing at all until the light returns._

_**MY Insanity**_

**_BPOV _**

I awoke with a sudden feeling of alarm. At first I could only hear my heart beating through the vein in my temple; a thick, deep throbbing sound, resonating profoundly from inside me, causing me to cringe methodically. Darkness overwhelmed me. I felt through the puddle of blankets and slowly pulled myself out of the web of satin sheets that engulfed me. I slowly opened my eyes.

Then I realized that the pulsating vibe in my head was rhythmically beating to the sound of the alarm clock. I groaned.

_God it was still dark out!_

What time was it?

Where am I?  
  
I never use an alarm, I wearily reminded my self. This was so strange. I felt myself arise from an overwhelming despair. I began to breath as I became more acquainted with my surroundings.

After feeling around in the dark for the obnoxious sounding box, I jaggedly arose out of bed and clumsily made my way to the dark square emitting light in the corner. Wispy white curtains hung desperately from the top. The fresh, cool air burst into the room as I jabbed the window open. The harvester moon illuminated the walkway below. Shadows skipped in the night. An eerie tree scratched its branches softly against the glass. Sudden realization hit me.

_I am not in my own room!_

Where... am... I?  
  
My heart leapt into my throat as I became increasingly more aware of the atmosphere.

I softly whimpered to myself that this was all a bad dream as waves of memories came flooding back into full view. I swallowed an empty mass as I began to take in the smell of stale air and hopeless tomorrows. An agonizing rip in my chest pounded to the echo of the alarm clock's lingering shadow. I felt the numbness rising as I understood that I was no longer home.

I walked over to the mirror and stared at the figure before me. A slender, pale face glared at me with huge bruise like semi-circles under her eyes. Her lifeless chocolate colored hair appeared crisp and fragile, like leaves on the last day of autumn. Her eyes were black abysses, reflecting nothing and absorbing all light.

I barely recognized myself in the mirror.

I looked down at the dresser and saw the evil object that had jolted me from my dreams. The brightly lit dial stated clearly that it was 6AM on February 26th. I began to take inventory of the objects in my vicinity and came to the understanding that these were all my things.

As I began to process the new events, I realized that I had no idea who I was, where I was or what time of the year it was. If it weren't for the fact that I had a viciously bright red light glowing from the alarm clock I would've thought that it was still fall.

I frantically began to search my mind, memories, and flashes of what I am. The last I could recall was instances of Charlie beckoning me, pleading with me to snap out of it.

I had a bad feeling growing from the pit of my stomach, engulfing me with rabid flames of desolation. My heart slowed to a steady rate and I remembered.  
_  
My name is Isabella Swan._

I once knew of a love so great, I was willing to sacrifice it all; my family, my friends, my mortality. He took that away from me. He broke his promise. For the past few months I believed his lies. I so eagerly agreed with the venom that poured from his mouth. Of course he still loved me. Edward is a coward. He wasn't willing to fully commit to me, to the love that we share. It is now 5 months later and I have just now come up for air. _How could he leave me and think that this was for the best? How could he take his family away from me?  
_  
All these unanswered questions he would soon answer. I will find him.

**Chapter End Notes:**

_The beginning is Bella's rambling, a poem that describes her state of mind_.


	2. Awakening

**Chapter 3: Awakenings**

_In an agonizing world I depart those that do not understand my soul._

_I can not bear to be around those that do not allow me to glow;_

_the stampede of vultures that pick at my brains,_

_fighting for stamina I venture closer towards the rain knowing fully that there is no salvation in the soaking wetness in the sadness, in the pain._

_I lay here crying, ashamed._

_For I am lifeless, a nobody, a zombie, a has-been, a shell._

_Today, I long for tomorrow and wallow in yesterday's hell._

_I am so sick of this battle, this constant denial, that I am in control who the fuck am I, a loser, so special, powerless with no role?_

I took a deep breath as I rounded the corner of what I assumed is my bedroom.

"Bella?" a familar voice questioned.

I glanced up surprised at my father with the curiousity of unanswered moments on the tip of my tongue. A spark of genuine understanding passed between Charlie and me. He cautiously began.  
"Are you hungry?"

A low growl sparked in my abdomen and I realized that I was indeed famished, "Yes, starved."

A wide grin followed. Charlie looked eagerly at me and slowly advanced towards me. "What would you like for breakfast?"

I realized that Charlie was all decked out in his starched cop uniform. Only his attire did not correspond with the simple town of Forks. No, this was different. He now wore one branded with the town of Willowcreek.

"Where am I?" I inquired.

"Why don't we discuss this over breakfast?" Charlie responded with a chuckle.

"Alright." I walked over to a small, dimly lit kitchen.

Charlie began cooking an unknown concoction I assumed to be an omelet as he began to recap the past 5 months of my life.  
A thick fog lifted as the details concerning my life were slowly recounted to me. Apparently I had been so out of it since Edward's departure that Charlie had to move to another town. I had refused to return to my mother's and threw a tantrum every time the thought of leaving was discussed.  
However I continued to sink into a depression so dark that Charlie began consulting a shrink. I refused any sort of medication. I began acting out. I had befriended Jacob and old childhood friend but I had become impulsive and reckless. Charlie explained that I kept ending up in the emergency room for random bruises and bumps. He told me that I had even jumped off a cliff once and almost drowned! The only alternative that was repeatedly suggested by every therapist was to leave Forks with as much of the comfort of home as possible. My father, the generous soul that he was, left the only town that he had ever known and moved us to a small apartment on the northern end of the state. I had been so stricken with despair that I had not even noticed my surroundings had changed. _I was a walking zombie, a loser, a nobody, left abandoned to wither and die, alone._

_Wait. No!_ The truth was that Edward had left me because he feared that what we shared was forever. He worried about all of the things that I seemed to be consumed by as well. He thought himself a monster, not worthy of my light. I had so readily believed that it was me that he did not want. In all honesty, it was he who questioned if he truly deserved me. I had had all of this time to myself to ponder the inner workings of love. I was now certain that what I had with Edward was indeed true love. _I had to confront him; I had to find him_. I had awakened a stronger and more courageous woman. I knew what I wanted and I'd be damned if anyone stood in my way.

I looked up with renewed strength at my loving father. "I am going back to Forks," I stated.  
Charlie peered over at me over the kitchen table and smiled. "Are you sure that is wise?" He pondered. I could already see him preparing how to deny my request.  
"Positive. But Charlie I don't mind going back alone. I just need to find some answers. I'll be alright"  
"I don't know, Bells, I just don't want to lose you again, Bella" He said defeatedly. I am sure he only agreed because he didn't want to lose me again.  
"You won't. I have to do this." I said with determination. I was going back to Forks.


	3. The return

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**BPOV**

Bella returns to Forks.

**Chapter 3: The Return**  
It was a gloomy, rainy day in Forks. I arrived at the bus station with my two bags. As I stepped off the bus I shrugged into my pink sweater and zipped it up around my neck. The bottoms of my jeans were damp from dragging behind me in muddy puddles. I looked around and a sudden creepy sensation began to overwhelm me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach return as the hole in my chest threatened to explode. _Hold up!_ I reminded myself that I was no longer going to wallow in self pity. I was wrong to have wasted months agonizing over him. I knew my Edward. _He loved me. I was somebody_. _I was worth it._ And I was going to find him and make him explain why he chose to leave me and why he proceeded to hurt me in the fashion that he had.

I took a cab to the old home. I paid the driver and ran inside after using the hide-a-key. The house hadn't changed a bit. Charlie said that he was going to start renting out however at this point it still held all of our things. My collection of pictures through the years still sat on the wall demonstrating how I have changed from grade 1 and on. I stumbled up the stairs and headed towards my room.

I dug around in old jeans for the keys to my truck. As I picked up the last pair of jeans off of the floor, my fingers caught a splinter sticking up from the wood going against the grain. I bent over and pulled at it until the stick came up along with part of the board. Under the floor lied a cd covered in dust along with an envelope. My heart dropped to my knees and my face turned blue as I attempted to gasp for air.  
_My cd! My pictures. The tickets. Why would Edward take them and then leave them here? Had he been back? Had they always been here? What did this mean? _  
There were so many questions. He had left a little evidence of him behind. He had obviously done this intentionally.  
_But, why!!!!? He had told me that he no longer wanted me. This was not true. Edward, what have you done?_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I skipped down the stairs and ran outside to my truck. I jumped as the engine roared to life. I had been startled back to reality. I had spent 5 months completely oblivious to the world, sulking in my own nightmare. I had squeezed lemon juice into all of my wounds. Edward would answer my unresolved issues.  
_What had he done? Why had he left me to wither and die?_  
I arrived at the Cullen home and parked my vehicle. I circled around the back of the house and tried to open the back door. It was locked. I looked around for a sharp, heavy object and laid my eyes on a hand-sized rock. Perfect. I picked it up and busted the window open. I jabbed my hand in and unlocked the door from the inside. I froze as the door swung open. _That smell._ Oh, how I had missed their scent. I made a beeline for Edward's room. I was astonished to see all of the Cullen furniture still there. All the fancy sheets strewn over them had simply whited it out. As I dashed up the stairs I caught sight of the piano out of the corner of my eye and cringed at the stench of loneliness that emitted from it. I had finally made it into Edward's room. I walked in and my heart stuttered as his aroma wafted into my nose. This scent was stronger than the rest.  
_He had been here recently._ I looked around and noticed select CDs missing from his library. I walked over to his desk and found some stationary and began to write.  
_  
_

_Dear Edward,  
The last few months without you were the most agonizing type of pain that a person can endure. Why you left me I still can't fathom the reason. But one thing is for sure. I have, do and will always love you. How dare you leave me! I know that you feel the same way about me. Well I am here to say that I am back. I will not stop until I find you. __I want answers! If you really don't want me then you will tell me so to my face; and not have me guess that this is the future you would like for us. What we had,meant something to me. And I believe that deep down inside it meant something to you as well. I will be at our meadow. A clue as to where I will be as I look for you can be found there. Don't be a coward, Edward  
Be Safe my love._

_Bella_


	4. Giving Up?

I curled up into a ball on the floor. I couldn't contain myself any longer. Alice's visions had become more frequent, more intense. The emotions that radiated from the scenes that played through her mind held all of yesterday's pain and all of todays sorrows. I had to find her. The amount of hurt that radiated from those pictures in Alice's mind caused my heart to melt. I could here as Emmett entered the house. He gasped as he saw Jasper withered on the floor.

I had drowned out his constant rambling, _"Edward, I am sorry, please stop. Please go to her. No one should feel this much pain._"

I didn't care anymore. My brothers and sisters were in agony. Jasper could no longer turn off the sadness that secreted from every pore in my body. Alice was guilt stricken for throwing me into a frenzy of depressive episodes. Emmett couldn't fix what was wrong and did not know how or where to apply his strength. Admittedly defeated, he was too weak to help his family. Rosalie smug as ever no longer held her husband's attention. However she stood strongly by her last words._ Bella is just a nuisance_. Esme and Carlisle stood by in agony watching as their children cried dry tears for a sister that could never be.

They too cared for Bella but they could no longer stand my pain either. Carlisle and Esme had been the ones that most supported my decision to leave. They didn't necessarily agree that to leave was the best choice. They simply supported me and my love for Bella. They said they trusted that I would do what was best for her. However at this point in time, nothing could possibly be worse for her or for my family. It was time to go back.

Jasper had been the one to convince me to go back before. I hadn't even lasted a month without her before I attempted to return to her. I spent a month back in Forks to no avail. She was gone. They had left. No one knew to where. I looked for clues everywhere. I searched in every citizens' mind. I even peeked at the dogs mind. I couldn't figure out why in the world they would know her whereabouts. Yet as I peered into that adolescent Black's mind I had fallen into a deeper depression as I discovered that Jacob was also in love with my Bella. _He had had some sort of relationship with her_. I couldn't get close enough to learn more. I had to honor the agreement, _damn that stupid treaty._ How I missed my Bella. Apparently Bella had been close to Jacob while I was away. He had tried to snap her out of her zombie like state. I saw some guilt in his thoughts. _He had hurt her too_.

My brother had convinced me that my this was no way to exist. He spoke to me on a nightly basis about self-control and the importance of loving and accepting yourself before accepting the love a relationship as powerful as Bella and mine's brings. Jasper understood my pain. First, he felt my suffering. Secondly he could empathize with me because he had thought of himself as weak and pitiful for having lived off human blood for so long. For a long time he did not think he was good enough for his Alice. For weeks he explained his journey to believing in himself. Jasper told me that the hardest thing in becoming a person was accepting you for you. Being ok with all the horrible things that I have done is so difficult. And now on my journey I am to forgive myself for what I had done to Bella? I understand full well that what I had done was wrong. _How could I just leave Bella? If she indeed meant so much to me then how could I just leave her, vulnerable and unprotected? I was a fool_. I may have lost her forever. I just wanted to close my tired eyes, fall asleep forever and never wake up.

Alice had been having visions, everyday now, sometimes twice a day. It's funny that I found comfort in them at times. I believe that her recurring vision of Bella will happen soon. The vision becomes stronger at each occasion and they have been coming with more frequency. However as long as she keeps having visions, it means that it has not happened. What is driving me mad, is that I can't find my Bella to protect her from all that blood. I can't figure out where she is when she is so gruesomely attacked. Alice's vision is skewed, it is altered due to the over abundance of emotions it contains. It comes on incredibly strong, a burst of energy and feelings so intense and then it just ends as abruptly as it began.

**_Bella is alone in the woods. She is walking slowly, her body slumped, exhausted and drained of her beauty. She appears depleted of her life. Her energy force diminished to practically nothing. The sun is glistening through the tops of the trees. The vegetation shines green with vibrant colors emitting from the flowers on the ground. Bella stops, dead in her tracks. Her arm is above her face shielding her eyes from what comes. She squints her sad eyes and her face turns to stone. She freezes. Then a light so vibrant consumes her. It comes out of nowhere and flies at a speed faster than light. The scene turns obnoxiously bright as every color washes out. All is devoured by the strange glow. Then, as quickly as it came, engrossing all around, it disappears. All that is left when the light is extinguished is my Bella on the ground of the forest with blood surrounding her beautiful face. She gasps for air as her chest rises and falls each time with less force. Her eyes flutter open and she mumbles three words, _**

**_"I'm sorry Edward!"_**

**_Bella begins to shiver in the cold air and the fear rising from her is incredibly difficult to circumvent.  
_**

**_I hear howling in the distance as the sun settles in behind a cloud. The aroma of her sweet scent rises and I can taste her sweet blood in my mouth. _**

Then it all ends. There is nothing but blackness. Alice at first thought it was me who attacks Bella. I don't understand the sensations that we both feel from this vision. It's surreal. It's as if I am somebody else present during Bella's slaughter.

The door burst open and a giant shadow is cast through the light radiating from the doorway.

"Get up. We're going to Jacksonville". My brother was relentless.

They had no idea that I had simply given up.

"You are not giving up on her. She is our sister and we will protect her even if you are too much of a coward to face her". Emmett bellowed from the hallway.

I peeked up at him from the floor and told him about Alice's new vision from the morning. This one had been different. It was only a glimpse. But it had been different.

_**Up above the canopy of the forest was Bella glowing and radiating in the sky. She looked amazing, recovered from the agony that had consumed her before. Her hair was alive in the wind, healthily blowing with the breeze. Her profound eyes sparkling a honey brown, vibrant with life. Her lips were full and complimented her pearl white face. Her body full and robust glowing in the day's eve. She looked glamorous and like never before. She smiled and looked at peace. That she looked amazing beyond belief, unlike the other vision where Bella appeared thin, scraggly and wasted was startling enough**_.

Emmett just stared at me. "What do you think it means?"

"I think she's dead now, it was a vision of my angel going to heaven."

Emmett ran in and attacked me. I didn't have the strength the fight him off. I simply plopped over like a rag doll as he shook me.

"You are a fool, Edward. It means she has been turned into a vampire. She's glowing and is in vampire form. You can't think straight, can you? When was the last time that you ate?" He inquired.

My eyes, like black coals glared at him. "Since I went back to Forks, 3 months ago."

"Fine. First we hunt, then we go to Jacksonville to search for more clues. It's still not too late."

I couldn't object. I knew I couldn't be weak around Bella's mother. Emmett was right. I had to hunt. I had to be strong in order to protect my Bella. I can't give up.


	5. New Consciousness

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon or any of the lovely characters that Stephenie Meyers has created in her wonderful universe. (This is the only time I'll say this because it's obvious)**

**New Consciousness**

A roaring whirlwind of pain bursts through my veins. Saturating blood glides down my throat as my empty cold heart recoils from the torpedo that launches all our memories into glorious view. _I can't stand it_. The agony of being so alone with my guilt consumes my ability to reason. _But the blood, oh beautiful bubbly blood..._beating from beyond the barrier. An elixir so strong and powerful that it drags me back from my sewer of self-pity. _Emmett was right. I needed to feed_. I had been stuck in a world that exists only in dreams. I hoped to sleep, to close my eyes and only think about my Bella. _Forever together in heaven. But I knew that could never happen. Soulless Edward, doomed to walk the earth without a partner for eternity_. A crinkling sound stopped me from my thoughts. A brimming brown bear broke me free from my fleeting worries. I crouched into a cat-like stance and prepared to pounce. The bear neared the river, bending down to drink from it's gleaming white water. I froze in place, readying myself for the precise moment. I completely stopped every movement from within. _Don't move_. I didn't breathe or blink. _Nobody could play dead better than Edward._ The bear relaxed and lowered its head in order to take a full gulp from the stream. In the blink of an eye, faster than anything known to man I snuck up behind the grizzly and jumped on top its back, grabbing its neck ever so gracefully; latching on with my teeth. In one swift motion I introduced my venom into its system and slowly awakened as the sweet, sensational, succulent blood seduced me. _That was it_. After that last meal I felt a rush of desire sweep into me. I realized that I had been so weak. _What had I done to my sweet Bella?_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _

I took the final step. I was finally here. _Our meadow._ I relished in the beauty of the vegetation around. Breathing in the aroma of various wildlife I felt almost at peace. There was only one piece missing._ My Edward_. I began to circle the outskirts of the meadow. Each time I walked around I came closer to the middle. I finally plopped down in the center and stretched my aching body out. I was completely exposed in the setting sun. Twilight was nearing. Another day closes to an end. Another night welcomes me into its grasp. My body began to let its guard down, my breathing growing deeper and more intense I fall into a deep slumber.

My eyes fluttered open, it had become completely dark.

_What time was it? _

_What happened? _

_I must have dozed off._

_It was way late_.

I peeled myself off the forest floor and patted off the debris from my clothes. I slowly stretched as I prepared for my hike through the jungle towards my home. I felt a change in the wind blow my hair over my face and heard a rustling of leaves stir behind me. I bent over to bury the treasure chest that contained clues to my next voyage. I had planned on visiting Jacksonville to see my mother. Perhaps Edward had stopped in and secretly I hoped that he had left behind some breadcrumbs. I placed a rock over the buried booty and began on my 5 mile journey. I froze dead in my tracks as a shiver ran down my spine. Abruptly a noise interrupted the serene night and I began to shake in my converse. My knees weakened and I swooned backwards. Another sharp bang caused me to turn around ever so slowly as I shut my eyes tight.

_Somebody was here_.

I dared not peak. I squeezed my eyes and prayed for the boogeyman to disappear. My heart thudded sporadically in my chest, threatening to run away. I squinted through the slits of my eyes and my heart came to a halt as my breath caught in my throat. My eyes widened into huge saucers as I realized nothing was there. In the midst of this night only guarded by a full moon, I ran towards the edge of the meadow. I came to screeching halt as I saw the form of person appear from deep within the woods. A deep red glow resonated from its face. A low hiss came crawling from the creature as I realized I had met my demise. Slowly she stalked towards me. A hunter from my past. A lowly creature with nothing to live for, nothing to live for except to avenge her mate. _Victoria._ She circle around me coming closer and closer as she licked her lips. I couldn't get the courage to move or even blink. The words stuck in the back of my throat like dried rose spines threatening to deepen their impact.

I choked out her name, "Victoria!"

She purred, "Yes my pet?"

"What do you want with me. I am nothing can't you see?" I screamed.

"It doesn't matter to me what you think of yourself. Edward is lost without you. I relish in his misery. Once I send him your head neatly packaged in box, he will know what it is to feel pain," She grinned.

I shuddered at the thought of being behedded. Then I realized what Edward would do. Well what he might do if he still loved me.

_No, I couldn't think like that now. I must be strong. But what if this was all for nothing? What if he really did not want me anymore? _

I was wrong to have let him leave so easily. I needed to let him know that I still knew and believed in our love.

_Would he find the box?_

I was jolted back to reality as Victoria coyly slammed me against the ground. She climbed on top of me and bent over my face breathing her venom upon my features.

She whispered into my ear, "You're so dead, bitch!"

I wanted to scream. I felt my body rise into the air and fly across the meadow. A burst of pain sedated my thoughts of self pity. I wallowed in misery as multiple bones snapped and crushed under my weight. _Oh God did it burn! He wouldn't save me. We would never be._ Blood coughed up from my mouth as my vision blurred. Victoria's eyes turned pitch black as she sauntered so venomously towards me. She no longer could contain herself. She had smelled my sweet elixir.

"I really wanted to torture you some more, but your essence calls to me so. I guess you lucked out, witch!"

In that moment Victoria leaped atop of me in one swoop and hit me with her teeth. I felt a piercing in my mouth as Victoria cut through my cheek. Apparently the blood in my mouth called to her more than she could ever imagine. She slowly licked the sticky substance off of my visage. She pushed my head back and leaned forward into my neck, taking in my scent, her nose brushing lightly against the skin. Goose pimples arose as she became delightfully elated with her victory.

Without a second doubt in her mind she whispered, "For you my love, forever my James," as she leaned in and tore through my neck.

I felt the familiar sensation of when James had bit my hand. I began to scream first in my mind and then the howls graduated into the night sky. I felt a tugging sensation jostle my broken body and then I was alone. I cringed at the burning power radiating from underneath my skin. I felt my body on fire. My limbs began to shake violently. From the distance I heard a voice yelling my name. It was so familiar. He sounded hurt, scared and full of surprise. _JACOB_!

"Run! Run!" I yelled. "Don't let her get you too!" I screamed from the consuming sting throbbing from deep within.

"Oh Bella," Jacob sobbed on my chest; yelling, "No!!!! Bella wake up!"

I heard another deep voice cry from behind Jacob, "It's too late, Jake. She'll soon be one of them, too." It was Sam.

"We can at least help her choose the right path. I won't give up on her" exclaimed a determined Jacob.

My body shuddered as the full effects of my transformation commenced. I moaned in agony and slowly slipped in and out of consciousness. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
My eyes flew open. I was on a bed. It was small and broken in the middle. Chains wrapped around my wrists and ankles. I sat up with a startled look. _What happened?_ I felt so free, so alive. I felt reborn into a new body. My muscles no longer ached, my exhaustion had dissipated into nothing. I brought my arms to my face breaking free from the shackles that imprisoned my wrists. They broke away like shredded paper. My face, hard like marble, smooth like silk. I grinned. I stood up and pulled away from the pitiful metal clasps around my legs. I wished to be at the door and in a flash I was there.

_Wow! How quick had I moved?_

I turned towards the door and willed my hand to open the knob. I looked back dejectedly as the remainder of the door handle crushed in my hand. _Uh-oh! _I finally came out of the room by knocking the door down, off of its hinges. A loud gasp thundered in my ears from the living room. _So familiar this place_. I sensed pain and flashes of my last fight with Jake appeared before my eyes. I peered up at the couch and caught site of Jake and Sam vibrating on the couch. A fowl smell emitted from their bodies.

"Oh Jake, you need to shower, you stink!" I stated.

Sam laughed. "You don't smell so hot yourself, girlie."

I raised my arms above my head and took a peek. I shrugged my shoulders and denied any such accusation.

"What happened?" I asked.

"It's a long story. Why don't you tell me what you know to have happened and we'll fill in the rest". Sam offered.

I agreed and settled back. As I told my story, random thoughts plowed through my head. A lightning bolt hit me hard. _Edward._ I had made up my mind to find him and hunt him down. I had so many questions. He was my soulmate and I wasn't going to give up so easily without a fight. No one would stop me now. Not even Victoria!  
_Wait a minute, Victoria!_

"Jake, Victoria! What is going on? You know what I am? How did you find me..." Questions rushed out of my mouth as Jacob slowly walked over and placed his finger over my mouth, gently hushing my inquiries.

I settled back once again as Jacob explained everything. Sam looked on wearily as I reacted to stories of Quiluete werewolves and Victoria's demise. A new dawn arose as I slowly became enlightened to a fantasy world of vampires and werewolves coexisting in this day and age.

_Was I dead?_ One thing I new for sure. I needed to find Edward and I needed to find him fast. He was the only one who could snap me out of this dream. I needed to know that I was not crazy and that he had existed once before.


	6. First Encounters

We had only been driving for a day however it felt like an eternity. Emmett, Jasper and I decided to run through Forks to see if any evidence of Bella could lead us in the right direction. Emmett ran by the Cullen house, Jasper stopped into Bella's home and I went to our meadow. We had intended on meeting back up at Fork's High School. I zipped past the trees, lept over the sparkling stream and headed through towards the clearing. I stepped through the last pair of arched trees and gasped in awe as I saw the beams of light sneaking through the canopy creating just the right ambiance. I pictured my Bella standing there, basking in the sun, her ivory skin bright and vibrant in the light, her dark caramel hair healthily cascading in waves down her back. She looks up at me ever so slightly and I caught a glimpse of her taupe eyes beckoning me to come close. With small strides I made my way to where she stood distinctly in the center of our sacred place. The ray seeping through the leaves and branches seemed to be guiding me in that direction.

As I arrived to where she stood the light became overpoweringly bright and all the colors washed out. I blinked and saw that my Bella was gone. She had only been a hallucination. I peered down and saw a small mound of dirt obviously disturbed. The area around did not show any signs of harassment. I bent down in order to investigate the odd pile. I began to dig with my hands and quickly was stopped by a wooden box. I pulled it out of the ground and hugged it close to my body. The box had just recently been buried. It's structure was small 2x4 in size. It was a deep red cherry that smelled of peonies. In opening the mini-chest, flower petals burst out. A familiar scent sauntered out attacking my nose.

_Bella._

I peeked through the petals and found a CD in a case with writing.

_Bella's Lullaby..._ I gasped.

I dug through the remaining petals and found the picture of Bella and me and the tickets that my parents had gotten for us.

_Jacksonville._

_How did these items get here? I had left them hidden in Bella's room. Why were they buried here? Who put them here? And why did it smell like Bella? _

I raced over to Bella's house. I climbed up the tree and jumped into Bella's room through the open window. I was astonished to see how empty the room appeared. The dresser and desk were covered with white sheets, the bed and rocking chair gone. My eyes glided towards the floor boards and found a missing plank of wood destined to guard our treasures, our memories gone. The hole in the floor was dark, yet I caught a glimpse of white under the floorboards. I leaned forward and tugged at the paper tucked under the floor. It was several sheets of paper with writing on it. Some of the sheets appeared to have been stained by water or some sort of liquid substance. Perhaps tears had landed on the papers. As I glazed over the written words on the scraps of notebook realization hit me.

_It was Bella's handwriting._

Her words pained me. I sunk to the floor as I read her torturous sayings.

She was so sad, heart broken and alone. She had been stuggling just to breath.

_What had I done? _

The last note seemed to have a different attitude. It appeared that Bella had made a decision to find me. I can't believe that she had believed that I no longer cared for her. She had been devastated because she believed the I had discarded her like I would garbage. She thought she wasn't worth it. These notes described pitifully the horror that my Bella had felt the few days after I had left her.

_She sounded suicidal._

The last note described a renewed Bella. However it was dated months after the first notes. I was concerned as to why these had been buried together and also why they were left exposed with the floorboard missing. At that moment Jasper walked in.

"I thought we were meeting up at the school" He questioned me.

"Look what I found". I pointed at the notes in the floorboard.

Jasper looked down at the contents in the floor and read through the notes. His face crumpled up into an agonizing frown.

"She's so sad". He commented.

"But why is this here?" I brought up my question to him.

"She must be trying to tell you something. Was this floorboard missing when you got here?"

I nodded. Jasper relaxed and a wave of calm spread through the room. My shoulders dropped and I caught site of the missing floorboard. It was jutting out from the half opened closet. In a haze I crossed the room and was beside it. I cradled the board in my arms and scrutinized it from head to toe. I flipped it over and saw one word scratched in its surface.

_Jacksonville._

_Another clue._

I looked up at Jasper and exclaimed "We need to get Emmett and get to Jacksonville now."

Jasper smiled at me, "She still loves you".

I grinned and for the first time in months I felt thrill and excitement.

_My Bella still wanted me. She was telling me where to go!_

She must know that I wouldn't leave her.

_But then why did she leave me in the first place?_

Jasper and I ran over to the Cullen house just in time to see Emmett preparing to dart for the high school. We called over to him and turned back to greet us. His face somewhat bewildered at the change of plans our journey had taken. Then his face relaxed and then he grinned as he recalled the object he had found inside the Cullen home. Emmett turned swiftly towards me practically knocking me over.

"Check this out" He grinned excitedly.

I took the bag from his hand and peered inside. A note. Carefully I unfolded it and read my Bella's words. She had instructed me to go to our meadow.

_Wow. I am surprised at her tone. She really sounded so aggressive. _

Emmett looked for my reaction and Jasper reached out with his senses.

"I don't know what to say. Something seems off. She sounds like she'll stop at nothing. And it doesn't say that she wants to be with me. The note says that she wants answers". I sighed.

"She sounds pissed at you!" Emmett asserted.

"Well I already went to the meadow and found tickets to Jacksonville. At the house in Bella's room we found a board that also stated Jacksonville. Obviously we need to go to Bella's mother's home."

We climbed into Emmett's jeep and I closed my eyes from the anxiety that lies ahead.

I made attempts to dream of my sweet Bella. The glowing sun leaking through the windows of the jeep exposing our glittery skin. Emmett drove as fast as a jeep could go. We had made the drive from Denali in a little over one day. It would take any human at least 2 days if they only stopped for gas and food. Our trip to Jacksonville would take at least two days if we hurried.

_If only I could sleep._


	7. Trudging Along

**A/N: This story is practically writing itself. I had it all outlined however it seems to be taking on its own course. I plan on updating twice a week at least. Please enjoy!**

I left Sam and Jake in a hurry. They had been nothing but friendly however I could sense that something was off.

_It had to have been me._

Besides their scent was far worse than I could have ever imagined. I truly believe that Jacob took care of me during my transformation simply because we had had a relationship. As children he had always been my friend. He looked out for me then as he looked out for me after Edward left as he looks out for me now.

_But I won't need him to take care of me anymore. I am a big girl now_.

In fact, I probably owe Jake a whole lot more gratitude than I have given him. All I did was badger him about how they could have the power to stop Victoria. I treated him like a stranger;_ after all that we had been through; after all that he's done for me_. Jake has been there to comfort me in a way that I didn't know I could be comforted. I had tripped in a puddle and fallen into a pool of agony. After Edward left me a huge hole grew in my chest and Jacob helped to fill in the gaps. I remember Edward leaving and the lights going dim. I remember threats Charlie had made of taking me away from Forks. I remember how much that had snapped me back to reality, just long enough for me to scream "No!"

And I remember the fuss I made. I remember doing everything in my power to hang on to the thin thread of rope that life had thrown me. I remember risking my life and Jacob's multiple attempts to get me to smile. However what I remember most is the despair I felt when I was abandoned once more.

_What is worse than falling? Getting up and falling harder than ever before._

I was grateful for the second chance that I now had. I can thank Jacob for that. I must also thank him for not killing me on the spot for being what I am. Once again my life has been saved due to him. But I couldn't stay. I could sense that Sam was doing his best to treat me as an individual. I had never been nice to him. I had thought he was the leader of some demonic cult. I had no idea he was the pack leader of the Protectors.

_How could have I known?_

Jacob's last words were running through my head.

"Bella, remember what he said when he left you. Remember what he did to you. Know that you are strong now. Make a good choice."

He hadn't told me not to go back to him. He basically told me to use caution. But that is exactly why I needed to see him. I had to know.

_Why had he tried so hard to explain to me that he loved me? Why had he shown so much concern for me? Who was I too him? I was somebody._

That was for sure. And I wanted to know why he had left.

_I deserved the truth._

But Jacob's words rang loud and clear and a decision needed to be made. I had to be strong. That was certain, because it was my choice if I would accept Edward back or not. I just had to know. I had to know that what we had was real.

_If that wasn't love then what was the point of existing?_

As I traveled through the forest, heading away from LaPush, I began to realize that my speed was increasing. The branches hit me as I ran by the blurred trees. I felt free, _nothing could stop me_. I felt invincible. I ran for a few hours with no real sense if I was heading in the right direction. I did my best to stay hidden in the forest. After a few hours, as I neared the outskirts of a town, a monster growl erupted in my throat. An amazing sensation burst out at my senses and I felt euphoric and "hungry".

_Oh crap!! Blood. I was thirsty!_

What was I too do? A sweet, freesia, fragrance enchanted my reason. I sprinted down the hill towards civilization and turned logic off. Already I could envision the sticky, hot liquid racing down my throat, coating my insides and enrichening my own senses.

_Oh beautiful boiling blood. Where are you?_

I came closer to the town and caught sight of a young little being playing in the sunset by her playhouse. She was singing to herself and dancing about her sandbox. I watched as her hair glistened in the last rays of light. I listened to the off beat tune she sung and leaned my head in her direction. I inhaled her wonderous scent and pictured my teeth caressing her neck, slowly sniffing the cusp of her throat...

_What am I doing?_

I shook my head and ran back towards the shade of the woods. I dropped to the ground, curling in a ball, shaking in hysteria.

_I was mad_!

_A monster I was._

_I had just considered taking the life of a poor innocent little girl._

I decided to walk back towards the stream. Perhaps a splash of cold water would help. I couldn't sit here for too long. If the wind shifted... if the breeze brought her scent my way...

_who knows what I would do!_

In distress I backed away from the now lighted village. I could no longer ignore the burning sensation in my throat. My mouth felt like cotton. I slipped in and out of reality. I kept picturing red. I couldn't breathe. (Not that I needed to take in air). My chest felt tight and I felt woozy.

_I thought vampires were suppose to be strong and invulnerable?_

I reached the stream and headed south staying close to the water. The cracking of branches and crinkling of leaves caused me to become real still. I peered up and saw in the distance the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen. Her eyes were a dark black, embedded in white oval rings. Her ears wiggled slightly, on alert, ready to catch any sort of danger. She stood silent and statue like for minutes before looking back down at the running water. She slowly reached forward and parted her lips taking in the rushing liquid into her mouth. Her legs were coated with white fur. Her chest held with pride, jutting out with great confidence. The doe that stood before was the most exquisite being that I had ever laid eyes on.

_Oh what sweet ecstasy_.

I prowled forward and waited for the precise moment to pounce. It was as if these graceful instincts had been inside me all along. I didn't second guess my ability to conquer this beast. Before I knew it I had her delicate neck in my jaw. I slowly bit down and practically moaned with pleasure at the taste of her elixir. She had tamed the wild beast within me. But soon the satisfaction that came with that first taste began to dissipate. It simply had not been enough.

_I want some more_.

I gathered what renewed strength I had acquired from this doe and began to hunt. All night I preyed upon small forest creatures until I came upon the king of the jungle, a ferocious mountain lion.

_I was ready._

I looked him right in the eye. Without moving he stared straight at me probably questioning if I was edible or a threat. I chose to act then. I attacked him head on. He saw me coming, but had no idea what I was. He attempted to paw my head off as I soared through midair towards him. I smiled with deep joy as he roared loudly while I tore at his flesh with my bare teeth.

_I never knew delight could be found in such violent actions_.

But it didn't matter. This blood tasted much different from the rest. I could feel it rushing through my body. I felt it fulfill me in ways I could never understand.

This was it. The most climatic point. I could feel the victory of satiation rising in my throat. The culminating moment concluding my first and successful hunt. The old lion collapsed in my arms. I let him down slowly and sat down besides its drained carcass. His eyes wide open and lifeless staring back at me.

_What had I done?_

I felt exhilarated. I couldn't help it. I loved what had just happened to me. I hated it too. But as much as I regretted slaughtering an animal as worthy as the mighty lion or as quaint as the quiet doe I knew that I would do it again... in a heartbeat.

_Could I continue to exist as this unnatural beast?_

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The sun roared to life and my eyes fluttered open. I had been content with my memories of Bella. No matter how much I hoped to see my beautiful Bella I feared that something was not right.

_Why now?_ _Why only now had she decided to lead me to her. _

She had been gone for so long and not a word.

_What cause her to change her mind?_

I loved her so and I trusted her with all my heart. But I couldn't help and wonder if this was some sort of trap. I looked over at Jasper. His face scrunched up in confusion. _What is your malfunction!?!_

"You are heading to see the love of your life and you cannot stop worrying."

_What has got you all worked up?_

Emmett looked over at me and frowned, "Boy she really has you all worked up. You leave Bella for her own good, you're miserable. She disappears to possibly move on with her own human life, you become even more depressed. She leaves you clues to where she has headed and you become a pile of mush. YOU ARE PITIFUL!"

I decked him right in the jaw. The car swerved and then Emmett slowly brought the car to a halt. He shifted into neutral and pulled the ebrake as he turned slowly but exageratedly towards me. He went to open his mouth, his mind a blank.

**Bam!**

I went flying towards the side window, my head breaking the glass, shattering it on the concrete below. I felt a sting reverberate through my head. I grinned. I know I had started it but... if he wanted to fight then I would fight. A raw sense of exhilaration filled me from within. Emmett saw the wicked smile plastered on my face and he unblocked his mind from me without even realizing it.

_I am going to lean left and trick him... and then bend down and get him from below..._

As Emmett leaned to the left I threw out another punch and attacked his right side immediately after. He never saw it coming. I hit him so hard he saw stars. Jasper let out a whoop from the back seat. I caught the evil glare in Emmett's eye and I slid out through the now open window. I ran around the car laughing and giggling like a school girl. All of sudden Emmett's anger disappeared. He no longer carried a speck of revenge. He looked over at Jasper and smirked.

"She really does have you all worked up. You better hope you get some!"

Jasper muttered something about Edward's moods being like a roller coaster. Emmett caught wind of that and hooted, "So true, brother!"

With that I pounced on Emmett with all my might. We both fell hard on the black asphalt. He caught himself and rolled over with such power I lost my balance. He got me good with a left hook but thought out the remaining of his punches and as I retaliated he laid down his king in defeat. Jasper finally stopped the altercation as he pulled my struggling body off of Emmett's wiggling torso. He was shaking now with rage. He had started to kick at me when he saw the look in my eye as I read his thoughts and decided to finally surrender.

Jasper and I chose to switch places. I laid comfortably in the backseat smiling in victory and relishing my encounter with Emmett. I could hear Emmett's mind brewing up ways to get even with me.

Although I had won this battle against my brother, it was nothing compared to the match I would have to face against Bella.

_How would I be able to convince him that I was truly sorry for leaving her? _

_How would I be able to repay her for the time lost? _

_Could I exist without my sweet angel if she decided not take me back?  
_

_ Would she open her arms to this hideous beast? _

_My beauty._

_My Bella. _


	8. spiraling down

_I can't do this._

_ I am utterly alone._

Wandering aimlessly slowly heading south I mourned for my lost humanity. The lifeless trees drooped under the glaring light from up above. The green moss covering all of the rocks appeared to be growing and consuming the forest. The noise of the birds chirping in the branches echoed in my trees. Whirling around in my head were words of despair and loneliness. My mind unclear and fuzzy I had difficulty finding my purpose. Overwhelmed by my inability to control my inner urgings I felt lost and confused. Never in my life had I seen the pure evil that I had found radiating from within me earlier today. I looked at the barely traveled on path before and I finally understood.

_I. AM a monster._

Edward thought he was a monster. All the time that we were together he would plead his case desperately, implying that he was no good for me. He would tell me that I should be very afraid and avoid him. He believed himself unworthy and yet he controlled himself without ever attacking me. Me, his tua cantante.

Edward a monster?

I am far worse. I almost ate a little girl.

_What is wrong with me!!_

My heart began to ache. I felt sick to my stomach.

_I am sorry Edward I didn't understand._

I felt weak. The trees began to spin and a dizzying feeling came over me. My mind kept apologizing to my angel. He had to have left for my protection. The horror he must have felt.

_I am so sorry Edward, I didn't understand!_

I felt a surge of power surround me and I fell to the soft padded ground of the woods. I had done something, but I didn't care. It hurt. My chest felt like swiss cheese. I was incomplete. I was spiraling down. Out of control. If I could cry I would. But monsters don't cry.

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I stinging sensation infiltrated my ears. I had no idea what was going on. The buzzing was all over and suddenly I felt a surge of voices take over my world. I screamed out in agony as Jasper began to groan. My hands clasped my ears and I shrugged down onto the floor of the car in hopes I could hide from these voices. I felt like it was simply overtaking my body.

Emmett began shouting, "Edward! Edward! What is it Edward!"

I realized that what was happening to me had a familiar ring to it. The fear died down as I understood that I had simply lost control of my ability to block people's thoughts from my mind.

_How strange._

Jasper began to relax however kept a wary eye on me. I opened my eyes and blinked as I became cognizant of what had just occurred. I closed my eyes in preparation to concentrate in tuning all of these voices out. Whoever they were it was time to let go. I inhaled deeply, followed by a slow and methodical exhale when I heard her voice,

"_"Edward! I am so sorry Edward, I didn't understand."_

My eyes fluttered open , my jaw dropped and I stared, exhilarated that I had heard my sweet Bella's voice. It was so clear, so real. I was positive that it had been her.

_Or was I simply insane?_

Again I heard her exclaim in what sounded like dry sobs, _"Edward I need you! Where are you?"_

A vision of my angel blurred before me. It was Bella and she was absolutely exquisite. She was curled up in a ball, rocking and sobbing tearlessly. She was helpless and alone and I couldn't help her.

The agony that emanated from my chest filled the car and Jasper sank lower in his seat. I didn't have the heart to tell my brothers my concern. I felt myself breaking apart and heading for a deep, dark hole.

**A/N: I know this is real short. I will post again tomorrow night. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!**


	9. Save the Vampire

"Sam, I understand that we have a responsibility here. I just can't stop thinking about her. She needs help. I hate to say it but even if the Cullen's would be here for her I would feel somewhat at ease. She's all alone. We just released a new vampire out into the world. That is not the protector's way!" A thin shiver crept down my spine as I attempted to talk some sense into Sam. 

"You do have a point, Jake. Perhaps we should send out a hunting party for Bella and leave the newer of the pack here to protect our land. Bella is our responsibility. Besides, I don't think that the younger ones could handle being around Bella. But how do WE protect a vampire from being what she is meant to be?"

I relaxed a little as I knew that Sam had finally given in. Bella needed us, that was certain. As for how we're gonna reach her in time, that is another question. And to think the unthinkable, what if we find Bella, but it is too late? How will Sam react? What will he do?

"Thank you, Sam. I appreciate this. I can't shake this feeling that Bella is in trouble. This is probably the hardest time of her life and she is all alone."

Sam looked at me, shaking his head. "Jake, you have made a very valid point. She is our responsibility and not only should we protect her but we should also make sure that she makes the right choices."

That was the climatic moment. I could no longer stay calm.

"Sam we will not hurt her! She didn't choose this life. It isn't her fault that we were late," I hollered at Sam. How dare he insinuate that we stop her in such a way?

"Jake, I am not saying that we kill her. I am merely suggesting that she is like a child and we are like parents, protecting her and helping her to make the right decisions. She needs guidance. Jake, CALM DOWN! It was you who's brought this my attention. She may not even appreciate choosing the Cullen way. She may despise them so much that she will reject all that they are; including their vegetarian ways." Sam's eyes pierced my skin and his tone was very authoritarian.

"I'm sorry Sam. I understand that she's our responsibility. I am simply stating that I cannot, will not harm Bella if it has to come to that. Instead of standing around arguing, let's go find her." I couldn't spend anymore time contemplating Bella's fate.

"As you wish, Jake. Just keep in mind that Bella will be different when we see her. Be prepared. She will not be the same quiet and fragile Bella. And she will be making attempts to break out of those barriers."

I took in Sam's words of wisdoms as I packed a bag of extra clothes. He was right as was I. Bella needed our assistance but she wasn't some person who always needed to be rescued. She may not appreciate my empty assumption that I can just rush in and rescue her. Perhaps if I join her in her lonely mission she'll be more willing to accept my companionship.

I met Sam by the edge of the town as we morphed into a more suitable form for tracking Bella. I found Sam in my mind and told him the coordinates of where I could sense Bella had gone. Her scent was off somehow, musked by a sticky sweet vampire odor. I could track her. This sent a wave of relief through me and I focused more on finding her. There was a journey ahead of us.

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**A/N: I apologize. I had thought I had posted this last Thursday, then I went on vacation only to realize that it wasn't anywhere to be found. So here it is. And just so you are aware, I am currently editing the next chapter. Hopefully it'll be posted by tonight.**


	10. A Little Support Please?

**Chapter 11: A Little Support Please...?**

I am not sure how long I sat there, uncomfortable, alone, rocking myself against the sharp boulders at the edge of the forest. I looked up for the first time in what seemed like hours and took in a breath taking site. I stretched my legs over the edge of the cliff and peered down at the mountain side. A warm breeze enchanted the air yet all I could taste was a dry and stale sky. The sun hunched over the edge and twilight crept closer. I had been dry sobbing for quite some time and had lost track of time. I was amazed at how much the holes in my chest hurt. Every sensation was magnified. I was in agony. I felt so alone. Now more than ever I yearned for my Edward.

_What good were sights like these with the powerful sensations I possessed?_

I felt so lost without Edward.

_Why couldn't he be here?_

He had chosen to leave my side and now I was nothing without him. He had chosen to let me wither away and die. A sense of determination rose within me and I began to feel a surge of energy. I believe it came from the anger that was growing within. I had seemed to have a little problem with my temper as a human. But now I could feel the heat rising from within, my cheeks became red and a burning sensation crept from my chest out towards all of my extremities. My hands began to radiate an orange glow. I turned my attention over towards a tree in the distance. I focused on the rage burning inside me and projected it out towards the branches ahead. A sharp blast of light sheathed with flames shot out, scorching the leaves on the tree. Nothing remained. The branches were barren and empty.

_Just like my heart._

A renewed feeling of satisfaction settled within me. My arms felt re-energized. I may be alone but I felt relieved after releasing that small burst of power. Again the longing to share my experiences rose from the pit of my stomach. I closed my eyes and imagined my angel's crooked smile and his messy tan curls gently floating in the breeze. I mentally sent out a feeling of love and hope. Out of instinct I began to hope. I yearned to be with him, my Edward. I brief image flashed before my eyes. Edward was curled up in a ball, his eyes sagged down by deep, dark circles. His hair was a frightened mop of tangles. He looked like he had been rocking religiously for days. I called to my angel.

_Edward!_

A sense of recognition played across his face. His eyes lit up and his head jerked towards me.

_He heard me?_

A sense of exhilaration surged from within me. I jumped for joy at my little hallucination. But as quick as I had felt the ability to hope, the rage had returned.

_You bastard, you hurt me. How could you, Edward? _

I beamed these thoughts out with my mind and realized instantly that this delusion was growing. Edward's eyes turned from gleeful in anticipation to an agonizing hurt. Despair ridden Edward's lips turned down as his crooked smile disappeared and his shoulders sunk.

_If this were real, then good. I was glad he felt bad. He deserved to feel what I feel._

A stirring in the leaves to my left caught my attention. A thick musky smell shocked my nose.

_Werewolves._

I could pick out two distinct scents. One was an alpha male and the other his second in command. Yet there was something familiar about their smell. Although I had minimal experience with being a vampire I knew there was something distinct about these two. They must be Quiluetes. Sam and Jacob soon appeared in the clearing. A smile sprang to my face and I ran up to Jacob in an effort to embrace him. He was shocked by forwardness and slowly reacted by pulling his arms around me. I heard him giggle.

"Ohhh, Bella! You stink!" I pulled back from Jacob and met his gaze as he proceeded to squeeze my toned shoulder. I looked from Jacob to his leader, Sam.

Sam did not appear as happy to see me. His face was scrunched up in an upsetting frown. Jacob came to order and became very serious.

"Bella what have you been doing all of this time?" He pondered.

_I hadn't realized that so many days, no weeks had gone by. _

Jacob began to stare and I noticed a ripple go through him. He had asked me a question.

"Well time just flies when you're having fun." I responded.

A look passed between Sam and Jacob.

"What! Am I missing something?" I interrupted their stare.

Sam spoke up first, "Bella we are concerned about how you are coping with the change. We were worried that you were alone and..."

Jacob jumped in, "...and that you might be tempted to turn towards the dark side."

I grinned.

Sam began to look uneasy.

"Everything will be fine now that you are here, Jacob." I felt relieved to have been lifted from my cloud of depression.

But as quickly as I had begun to relish in relief, Sam speaks the words I didn't want to here.

"Well if you are alright, Bella. Then I we are safe to return to LaPush."

My world crumbled. I had suffered yet another devastating blow.

But then the rage began to fill me. I felt it increase my energy and I looked down at my palms. A red glow eminated from them. I stepped forward towards Jacob, "Is this true? Jacob, did you just come to check up on me?"

A weary nod came from Jacob. He eyed my arms with caution.

"Well you know what, I am not fine. I am tired of being alone. What is the point of going on if I have no one to share it with? What is the point of proving to myself that I can control the monster within if I have no one that cares? Do you know that I sat and stared at a little girl and almost hunted her down? A little girl!!!" I screamed.

"I didn't know it had gotten that bad. But Bella I had a feeling that you needed me and that is why I came." Jacob looked down shyly as he said this.

I took a step closer and allowed my extremities to cool. I took another step and allowed his warm arms to caress mine. I sank into his embrace and placed my head against his chest. His warmth tickled my cool face and left a searing sensation on my cheek.

I no longer felt alone.

I had support.

"Will you stay with me then?" I pleaded with my gorgeous red-brown eyes.

Jacob peered with his big puppy dog eyes back down into mine. "I'll stand by your side."

Sam had decided that with Jacob by my side, my newly acquired vampire urges would be under control. He began to make his way back to LaPush and extended an open invitation to me.

For once I believe I felt like I belonged.

_Yah, in Jacob's arms._

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A/N: So even though I have everything laid out, I am not sure if I want to continue posting on this site. Do you guys actually follow this story? Should I continue?


	11. In Agony

Chapter 12: In Agony 

The last time I had heard my angel's voice I felt her pain as well. I understood with great clarity the depressing hole that she was sinking in. I am not sure how much time had passed. All I know is that we had continued driving, stopping every so often for gas. At one point, I recall Emmett dragging me out of the backseat and through the wilderness. He had brought a few deer to my mouth and forced me to feed. The instinct came and went. The blood flowed freely down my throat. Yet, I had felt no satisfaction. My salvation was crying and I couldn't find her. All I knew was that I had had a glimpse, a moment to actually _see_ my Bella. I am not sure what caused it or how it came to be. All I can fathom is that my love for Bella was and is so strong that perhaps I had been given a chance to understand her better. This _vision_ or whatever it was, seemed so intense. It appeared to be so much more than what Alice saw in hers. It felt like Alice's, Jasper's and my power all in one. It was as intense as people's thoughts were when I first gained my ability to_ hear_ combined with Alice's ability to _view_ a picture and magnified with Jasper's _sensitivity_ to feel other's emotions.

However, this time, this vision, had really jolted me. I had seen my Bella again. She appeared almost as if on fire. She had a brightly lit orange ring surrounding her body, thickening around her hands and feet. It was as if a wind had been blowing her hair back. Her eyes burned a deep red and her face blushed a deep burgundy. Her eyes were frightening, they were squinted in a venomous way. Her lips were thinly curled up at the edges. But her look wasn't what had spooked me at first. Bella had always been an innocent and reserved individual. She spoke her mind when necessary and she had her moments when her temper would flare but never like this. I was beginning to wonder if I was going crazy. This time she had a rage about her that made me, Edward, a century old vampire, shiver.

I curled up tighter and was "awakened" by Emmett. Apparently he had been shaking me for a few hours.

"Edward, snap out of it! This is enough! Edward!" Emmett's eyes were filled with concern.

"Look at Jasper. Just look at what you are doing to him!" He shouted.

Somehow I managed to step out of the fog long enough to see Jasper hiding on the floor in front of the passenger seat in the car. He had his hands clasped over his head and he was knocking his head on the dashboard. A huge dent existed where his head had been colliding for probably the better half of the past few hours.

Reality came and hit me upside the head.

What was I doing to my family?

"What has gotten into you? Edward, you need to talk about what happened. Did you hear something? What!!!? Tell us. Do something. Do anything, but don't just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Or God help me I will drag you back home!" Emmett was glaring at me as I slowly looked up and met his stare.

"I am sorry Emmett. Jasper? Jasper? Jasper I'll stop now. I promise." I looked over at Jasper and then at Emmett and then hung my head back down in shame. I was so overwhelmed by this agony that I couldn't bear to speak of it. It spilled out of me in waves of despair, flooded Jasper's senses and stimulated Emmett's helplessness.

"It is hard to explain. But I think I can tell you what I saw." Jasper's jaw dropped as he stopped banging his head, to hear my story.

"You saw something? What? I don't get it. Are you feeling OK?" Emmett quizzed me.

"Maybe we should call Carlisle." Stated Jasper with a raspy voice.

I started to open my mouth but instead of my voice I heard the familiar jingle coming from my cell phone. I looked down and saw Alice's face on the face plate as I reached for it and opened it. She must have instantly known that I was there.

"Edward! Are you OK? I had the weirdest vision. I saw Bella on fire. She looked different. She was angry. I mean not just angry, but enraged. It was too much. Edward?"

"I am here Alice. Hey, Alice? Did you see anything else? Besides Bella angry? I had the same vision and I couldn't tell where she was. It looked like the woods at the edge of a mountain side. It could be anywhere. I don't know what is going on but I need to find her. I have a very strong feeling about this." I spoke into the phone as clearly as I could however my voice was still shaky. I felt so helpless and out of sorts.

"Well I did notice that beyond the green of the mountainside there was a river. I think she's in Colorado. It's so bizarre, I could only see Bella then. How strange that it was the same thing that you saw. Whenever I try to see her all I get is fuzz. I hope that helps." Alice sounded pleased with herself.

"I may not know where she is but I do know that she is not in sunny Florida. I need to find her and I need to find her now!" I announced with determination.

"Is Jasper there? I keep seeing him upset? Have you been the cause of his pain? You need to snap out of it and go talk to Bella. Find her! And put my husband on the phone!" Alice could get very influential when she wanted to be.

I reached over the car seat and passed the phone to Jasper. He spoke to Alice with his hoarse voice for about 10 minutes as I collected myself. I stretched and got out of the car. I ran towards the nearest gas station and washed up. I splashed cold water on my face and hair gliding my fingers through its tangled mess trying to make sense of this disaster and gave up after several strokes. I stared back at the reflection in the mirror and thought to myself.

_I have to be strong_.

The bond that I have with Bella is so strong. It can't be undone.

_I must find her._

_ She needs me. _

_Where can she be?_

But what really scared me is this anger. What had happened? Why could I sense her so? Maybe she truly is an angel, my guiding light towards salvation, towards my Bella.

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A/N: DON'T WORRY! This is a story about the bond of love. Love is a journey. Life is roller coaster. Is what Bella and Edward have truly love? If so can it survive the test of time? Can their love grow? Or has Bella moved on now that she has awakened to a new existence? Keep reading to find out!)


	12. Jake and me

**Jake and me...**

I sat in the comfort of Jacob's embrace until the dawn of the following morning arose. His arms radiated a warmth that stung my ivory skin. It burned an imprint into the white of my forearm, leaving me feeling secure and snug inside. At some point in the midst of the night Jacob's eyes began to droop and eventually he fell asleep with me safely listening on his chest watching it rise and fall. His hot breath on my ice cold neck tickled me as each steamy wave that came from his nostrils blew softly onto me caressing my bare jawline. I began to drift off thinking about the turn my existence had taken.

My thoughts turned to my Jacob.

_Jake who has always been there for me. _

_Jake who found me when I was lost. _

_I had searched in the darkness for my love and instead I found my friend. _

_My Jake._

Loneliness is difficult to survive. As lost as I was the moments before Jacob reappeared into my life, I know that it was only the beginning of a path leading to the center of the pits of despair. Without Jake, I would have fallen for sure deep into an agonizing abyss. Jacob, always there to protect; as once a man claimed he would always do for me. However as much as I long for a man I can't have, he still doesn't appear.

Now here I lay in pure peace._ Can this work? He makes me feel better._ It seems like the holes in my chest are temporarily plugged up for now. But the holes still exist, and the aching inside my dead heart radiates heat waves outward towards my finger tips. A dizzying sensation overwhelms me as the last thought filters through my mind.

_But oh where art though my Romeo?_

_Will Jacob suffice?_

I carefully repositioned myself and looked up at him. His bronzed skin darkened in contrast to my paste colored finger tips. I caressed his cheek, tugging on a long strand of hair that had escaped his pony tail. I tinkered with his locks and eventually joined the lonely strand back to the glossy mass that was pulled back on his head. I patted his head and brought my arm back down to his chest. The sound of his heart beating steadily, always on time, always reliable reminded me of the stability that I could have if I chose to be with Jake.

_The stability I should have with him._

I traced the outline of the contours of his chest. My pinky finger gently caressing in and out of every groove. Jacob had really grown up into a man over the past year. He no longer appeared to be the lanky, oversized boy with round cheeks that he once was.

_He's beautiful._

But that was absolutely preposterous. I couldn't and wouldn't cross that line with Jake. Here we lay collided, the darkness and the light. As broken as I was I longed for the companionship that a relationship would bring.

But what of my promise to myself? What of my mission?

Before I had changed I had demanded answers. So many questions without their counterpart responses. I wanted to know and understand why Edward did what he did. As much as I once loved him and probably still do, Edward had hurt me. In order for me to move on I had to come to terms with my past. Edward was definitely part of the past.

_Would he be part of my future?_

I shuddered at the thought of an eternity without Edward. I couldn't bear to fathom it. _  
_

Jacob began to stir. I looked down at him again and watched his eyes flutter open. He stared at me for a moment before a huge grin appeared on his face. He pulled his arms from around me and stretched them both in opposite directions. He slowly sat up, twisted his back making it crack and then stood up causing his neck to pop. His eyes widened as a thought sparked into his head.

"What's for breakfast?" Jacob all animated began to squirm around hunting for breakfast.

"Oh good idea I want a young succulent lioness."

Jacob stared at me with his mouth dropped open. He politely ignored my comment and brought his arms back down to his sides, lingering his fingertips on my forearms, lightly brushing me with burning hands. The wind picked up just then and my hair began to flow freely to the beat of the breeze. Jake's eyes twinkled and he raised his wrist to my face, turning the back of his hand to face my cheeks. He gently stroked my forehead and trailed two fingers down my nose and around towards my cheek. Jacob took a step closer as I began to tense up and his fingers outlined my jaw. Slowly he raised his other arm and met his hand, cupping my chin, taking one final step towards me. He lifted me up to meet his eyes so full of wonder and hope. He leaned down to meet my lips as I realized that he had been ever so smoothly attempting to kiss me. Just as he met my lips I turned away and he kissed my cheek hard, passionately.

If I were human I would have been beet red. Jake pulled back with his eyes hurt, no longer did they hold a sense of anticipation, wonder or exhilaration. After he realized that I noticed his reaction he pulled away and stared at the ground.

I moved quickly in front of him placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on the side of his face. I leaned forward and spoke in whispers into his ear as I slid my hand from around his shoulder down his back.

_He wouldn't escape me now._

"Jake, this isn't right. I love you. You know that. You are a wonderful person who means the world to me. But doing this, moving to this level is wrong. You know that. I am hurt. Broken inside. I need you to know that."

I couldn't believe I was telling him my deepest, darkest worry. A secret I had hoped to never reveal.

"You are so important to me. Not just because you pick me up when I fall, but because you are a good person. I enjoy your company. But because of that I can't hold you here as a hostage with me. You and I can never be... for so many reasons."

Jake's piercing stare began to rhythmically quiver to the shiver that ran up and down his spine.

I had upset him.

"Jake, don't be mad or upset with me. Think about it. To be honest with you, as if it weren't totally obvious, I have not gotten over my loss. I am still in love with Edward. How would that be fair to you? Also, I am damaged goods now. I am a vampire! You are werewolf! We can never be together. And lastly I cannot and never will bear children, a tradition in your family for generations that I am sure you don't want to break simply because of your vampire girlfriend's dry womb."

Jake stopped shaking and came over to me, taking my hand and pulling me close into his arms. Again, I sat there feeling his warmth and I began to hum softly to the beat of his heart.

As the morning progressed, we made plans as to what to do. I wanted to find Edward. There would be no closure if I didn't. Jacob had not spoken to me since the attempted kiss. He no longer appeared mad or upset, he seemed lost in thought. Perhaps what I had said made sense. I don't deserve some one like Jake. I peeked out of the corner of my eye at him. He was busy making a fire in order to cook the rabbit that he had caught and skinned. His hair was no longer pulled back as it flowed wildly in the cool air. His muscles ripped out of his sleeveless shirt. His long legs, angled as he crouched down to add more fuel to the fire. He was a gorgeous being. I was preparing to go to deeper into the forest to find some prey for myself as well. Jacob wanted to come with me. I told him that I would rather go alone.

He probably didn't trust me and figured I'd doubledback towards that town and eat that little girl. The monster in me roared at the thought.

On my walk back, happily satiated, I began to think about Edward. I wanted him to know my feelings every step of the way.

I believed that if I tried hard enough I would find him and show him my pain.

_What would he do with that?_

After feeding, Jake and I made concrete plans. I wanted to find HIM. Jacob agreed that this was important. At least for me it was. I wasn't sure if I should continue to head towards Jacksonville or if I should make an alternate stop. I wasn't sure if Edward would even bother to look for me.

Would he find the clues that I had left for him and would he follow me?

Did he still love me?

_Edward where are you?_ A dizzying intense wave passed through me at that thought. And all of a sudden I could see thin lines forming in the sky. I could see A faint picture appear and Edward curled up in a ball, in the backseat of car. It looked sunny outside but it was hard to tell due to the darkened windows.

_Edward are you coming? Will you meet me in Jacksonville?_

I must be losing my mind sending secret messages to my love.

I glanced back at Jake and twirled around quickly to face him. He was trying to sneak up on me. He actually got close enough where he could do some real damage. I punched him in the shoulder and his smile widened.

"Delicate little Bella" He teased.

"I wouldn't call myself delicate anymore, Jac-"

Thud! At that moment Jake jumped up in the air shooting his legs out in front of him aiming at my torso. He knocks me down attempting to secure me with his legs so that his arms were free. He takes my face once more in his hands and places a kiss smack on my lips. He pulls back a smirk on his face, laughing at the look on my face.

_Why that little cheat!_

That was it! I took my free arms and jabbed them into Jake's chest kicking my feet up from behind I hooked my knees over his shoulder and pulled him off of me. I jumped up at an alarming speed, soaring several feet into the air, surprising Jake with my ability.

"Oh two can play at this game." I scowled.

Jacob grinned and launched at me with an excited expression. I braced myself for the impact and laughed as he once again succeeded in knocking me to the ground.

The rest of the day was spent wrestling and discussing the probabilities of life.

**A/N: I am curious to know what everyone thinks. Please review!)**


	13. When It Gets a Hold of You

Love is a strange thing.

_One moment life is a dull and boring world. The next thing you know you are a vampire running just as fast you can to find your one true love. Love is tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel, rich like cream. The power of love is strong and sudden and sometimes cruel._

As I search for my one true love I find a companion worth more than his weight in gold.

Here I am staring at him. He looks at me with devotion in his eyes. Yet, I know **this** is wrong. I need to be with my Edward; even if he no longer wants me.

As much as I didn't want to believe those words that came from Edward's mouth, I knew that I had to confront him and find out if this is really what he wanted. An eternity without Edward would mean that I could no longer be. But I couldn't let myself go there now. I wouldn't allow my pandora's box of stuffed emotions to open. Concealed they should remain until I tire of them being put away. As I thought about pushing away the yearning sensation, a burning in my belly began. My fingertips curled and my teeth clenched as the thought of losing Edward forever flickered through my mind. I would do anything for him.

_Love, when it gets a hold of you, it causes you to do the unimaginable_.

As I snapped out of my daze, I reached out for Jacob's face and stroked his shiny black hair with right hand. I let my finger tips gently slide down his cheek barely touching his bronzed skin. There was sadness in his eyes. Wetness threatened to brim over his long dark lashes. But instead, his hands gently caressed my arms and then my shoulders in an upward motion meeting my hands.

_He knew._

_This was going to be hard._

Jacob had been journeying with me since Sam left 2 months ago. He cautiously helped me steer clear of the towns and areas populated with humans. We had traveled down to Jacksonville and the surrounding area only to find no sign of Edward. I couldn't wait in such densely packed in areas. We were going to do one last check through town, careful not to disturb my mother and new step-father right after I fed.

_It never seemed to satiate my thirst._

"Jake, we have to... Ummm I need to tell you something. Promise you won't get mad?"

I had told him that I needed him then. I had distinctly depicted a dark drawing of what depression was causing me to decompensate when he found me that day in the woods with Sam. I had begged him to stay. I really hadn't given him another choice. Yet, as time went on I grew more confident in myself and more curious in my abilities. I honestly didn't feel free around Jake. He was my guardian and protector but other times I felt that he was my parole officer. I wasn't allowed to really hunt and enjoy killing my food. However when it came to strictly our friendship another matter ensued.

Jacob wanted more.

I had set a distinct boundary with him yet some times that line grew fuzzy. That line that at times I was so tempted to cross, (like right now) was so damn difficult to ignore.

I was a vampire.

He a werewolf.

_We were never meant to be together._

Which is why there is now constant discord between Jacob and me. He wanted me to be who I was not. I am a hunter an avid killer and he was a "protector". He wanted me to give up the Cullen ways. He didn't understand that some of the activities I wished to engage in were simply impulse, ingrained and instinctive?

Of all people, he should understand.

Of course, we had a few close calls where I had "lost my mind". Unable to control myself with ravenous hunger, my eyes chocolate orbs, my teeth snapping at anything within range; it was Jake who pinned me down until reality or reason would return to me. He took care of me that was for sure. However, he didn't accept that I needed more. He wouldn't let me grow into that which was my nature to be.

A vampire.

But something was off. There was something more. I longed for more. I was not sure what. But the rage and yearning combined inside of me threatening to come out in fireballs of wrath. I pushed those feelings together and slowly dismissed them from myself. I directed this longing to Edward. It seemed easier and I felt in control. I am not really sure where I was pushing this ball of emotions to, however I felt that if Edward knew, everything would be alright.

Jacob was a true friend who patiently waited by my side, wondering, questioning if we could ever be while we searched for my one true love, Edward.

"What is it Bella?" He questioned. Waiting with a worried look smeared across his face.

"Oh Jake, I have always appreciated your company. You have been a great friend and I am a horrible person."

"Bella! No you aren't. What is it? Tell me what has you so worked up these past few days."The look of concern grew immensely on Jacob's face.

"You have done nothing wrong, Jacob. It's just that I think it is time that we go our separate ways." I couldn't believe I was telling him to leave. My Jacob. My only true friend. Something was wrong, as I pondered the silliness of this whole situation, shrugging off that horrid premonition.

"I am eternally grateful for your loyalty. It's just that I feel that I am so close to finding Edward and I want to be alone when I finally find him." I diverted my gaze away from his eyes.

"Oh, I see" Jacob bowed his head down and looked away. Tears brimmed his eyes and shiver ran down his spine. He took two steps back from me ever so cautiously.

"I need you too Bella. You told me that you couldn't do this alone and now all you want is for me to leave. This doesn't sound like you at all. Are you sure this is what you want?" With some hesitation in his voice, Jake took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. If only he knew. There was so much that I wanted. He just couldn't know.

"Jake, all I want is for everything to work out. You know that I want Edward. Please don't make this difficult for me." I begged.

"Fine, but I don't know what you see in him. Love is blind if you ask me. You let a man who is a monster tell you that you are no good, that you are not worth it. And then you fall in a deep depression. He left you alone, without any protection. Now you can't wait to go running back in his arms. Bella, I don't understand. What if he says he doesn't want you?"

I simply stared at him without any response.

The blind devotion that he claimed I had, was real. I would do anything for Edward. I just couldn't admit it to Jacob or even declare it as truth to myself. I am not sure what I was willing to admit to myself these days. For the most part, I hid everything that so much as hinted to be an emotion from the world and from myself. I stuffed it in a little box within my soul for some other day when I would be able to handle the strength behind that emotion. What Jacob said, stung. But it rang with honesty. I was blindly running to him and for what.

What if he did leave me for good? What if he turned me away and dismissed me as gentleman-like as possible?

Could I handle it?

I would be alone. Without Edward and without Jacob to support me.

But why was I pushing him away? I didn't understand it. For the first time I knew I just wanted to be alone, without Jake. But why? What motivated me to embrace my fear.

Love is blind.

Finally I gathered up the courage to say what it is I thought I couldn't even agree to believe, "Jacob, you know, you're right. I have no idea what he'll say or do. I do know that I have to confront him and ask him why it is he said that to me. I don't believe it is true. Maybe I simply don't want to accept that he no longer loves me. I don't know. It's just I have to release those emotions and you being there, here really doesn't help."

With pain in his voice Jacob took hold of me and said, "And I will release you from all of your torment, stir up trouble that you can't ignore, and I'll tell the world, I'll tell them a story, tell a story to the world, about a girl...about you Bella."

"Jake..."

"I heard that once in a movie. I thought it would be an appropriate description of the conflicted emotions I feel."

"Please don't be mad. Jake, I want us to always be friends." I said in the most apologetic tone.

And with that Jacob turned around and disappeared. I looked ahead at the road before me and followed it with blind devotion.

I folded up the hurt and pushed away the guilt that tugged and threatened to eat my insides. I placed the emotions in a lock box within me in order to conceal their power for a more useful day.

_I love Jacob. _

Hunger is worse.

After walking for 9 days, I neared the edge of the dark woods. I had hardly hunted in days. I guess I had been devastated by the scene that had happened almost 2 weeks ago with Jacob. I had been so overwhelmed with guilt that I stumbled around the tall grasses and swamplands of Florida. I was ecstatic when I found shelter in a small cluster of woods. I never returned to Jacksonville for fear that I would find nothing.

_Alone again._

_What a horrible feeling._

I had once again pulled those feelings out of the box locked in my heart. What I had refused to feel came knocking me down all over again. Grief, overwhelming fear of being alone, of never feeling what he made me feel when we were together. It didn't matter anymore. I slowed my pace ready to fall apart on the floor of the forest when it hit me.

Oh sweet, succulent blood. An aroma so enticing, enchanting. The ecstasy that began to creep throughout my body tingled like tiny electric spiders, climbing all about my torso and then spreading out to my extremities. The sensations that began to arise within me, filled me with an agonizing anticipation for an irresistible elixir. I felt my eyes glaze over, probably dark with black greed. I didn't think twice as reason snuck out the back door. My lips curled up in excitement as my bright white teeth peeked out at the world. I perked up and crept in a catlike fashion. I reached the town in a flaming flash. The scent was overwhelming. I caught a quick glimpse of what had seduced my attention. An endearing child playing in the shadows of her backyard swing set next to an inground pool. She had pigtails that reached down her back and blue overalls. She couldn't have been a day over 7. She was missing half of her teeth as she giggled and laughed, shrieking happily in her the comfort of her home. She smelled so sweet. Reason had completely stepped out the door. Nothing more could be more important. I began to circle the little blonde's backyard when she came out.

Oh glorious goddess!

A red headed curly beauty burst out of the lit up home. Her hair was as long as her daughter's only in fell in long layers, lightly feathering her backside. The style was somewhere in between curly and straight. Her hair full of body , wave and wonder glistened healthily in the setting sun.

She called to her daughter, "Angelica! It's time for your bath. Come inside, it's already dark out.". Her perfect body leaned forward from the porch door, hesitating then finally deciding to produce a foot. She wore tie die flip-flops and black long summery dress. Her dark red halter top accentuated her breast line and slimmed her already thin waist. Her hair was wildly flopping in the wind. She drew one arm up and gently pushed her hair out of her face. The setting sun caused her skin to sparkle with color ever o slightly.

"Coming Mommy! Just one more minute." The little girl yelled while beaming the most obnoxious and adorable smile ever.

The hunger that ravished my throat scratched at the inside of my esophagus screaming for salvation. A wild thirsty shiver ran up my spine. A crazy look loomed over my darkened eyes. I lusted deeply for the red headed beauty. Long forgotten was her babe. I dreamt of ruby red blood soaking my insides, my palette, my tongue and the back of my throat. The unimaginable was about to occur and there was no one to save.

When it gets a hold of you... it is absolutely undeniable. An unquenchable thirst. A power so unmeasurable possibly even incomparable to love. When it gets a hold of you, the thirst, there is no controlling it.

I closed my eyes as every ounce of sanity left, decidedly to walk out on me for my dirty thoughts. I re-opened my dark eyes, invigorated by the lovely euphoric being in front of me.

I knew what I was about to do would change me forever. I had once read a line that seemed to suit this situation. I was definitely all alone. But what can I say?

_Sometimes you have to be a high riding bitch to survive. Sometimes, being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto._

Hungry and wild with thirst I appeared before the woman and smiled. She appeared shocked yet not afraid. She confidently began to interject and inquire of my presence. A grin so despicably evil began to sit upon my face. The woman took one glance at me and a scream began to pierce her throat. I took her her head in my hands, stroking her hair in a gentle manner. One hand I pulled up and rested it under her chin pulling it up ever so slightly, exposing the vein in her neck. I leaned in as she shut her mouth and kissed her lips. Her eyes fluttered open , confused. I leaned in again and inhaled the sweet scent of her skin. My nose rested on her eyes and then caressed its way down towards her lips. I drew in once more and gave in despite all previously conceived notions. I bent over and gave her my bitter sweet, deadly kiss. I touched her with my ice cold hands and breathed in her scent as I parted my ruby red lips. And let my teeth shine in the twilight. She began to gasp however the sound caught in the back of her throat. And a quiet raspy moan replaced it. I pierced her skin and allowed the blood to coarse through my veins. I felt her heartbeat weaken and then finally cease to exist. Her body went limp in my arms and I quickly brought her to the house. Her child left alone, in the dark with noone. "Mommy", she looked lost without her mother.

_What had I done_?

The monster within me roared as I unleashed the evil growing within. When the darkness gets a hold of you... a seductive power begins to grow. Being an immortal with a longing for blood that is so natural courses through my existence and what is left of my soul. When the monster gets a hold of me, there is no turning back.

Will I do this again? Will Edward ever accept me now? Will Jacob have to kill me?

My mind was swarming with possibilities. Who knows. How nerve wrecking. But why bother, when it gets a hold of you... you're addicted.

**A/N: This chapter was so not ready. I accidentally posted it in an incomplete manner. so here is the update. **

**Next chapter tomorrow or Thursday! Also please give me some feedback, this story is changing. I would really appreciate some honest criticism. Thanks!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**


	14. jacob's return

**Jacob's point of view**

Revenge, when it gets a hold of you, reason steps out the door. There is no control, no stopping a train dead on its tracks. Perhaps that is what that strange feeling was that brewed inside my chest. It burned with agony, with loss. I relished the sadistic feeling as I willed for it to explode. But that would mean that I would transform.

_What would Bella say if she knew that I had chosen the evil side. _

_The easier way. _

_To be and exist as the beast that I am._

Once it gets a hold of you there is no turning back. All I could think about was Edward and how he didn't deserve Bella. Oh sweet beautiful Bella with her bouncy brown hair.

_What was I thinking?_

_Why did I allow her to dismiss me?_

I am not sure what had come over me. Perhaps it was the anger knocking at my door. The monster in me was begging to be let out. I did not want Bella to be part of this world. Such a cruel and vicious reality existed amongst my kind. Although my Bella was no longer human I wanted to protect her from all evils including herself.

_I was a coward._

_I had left her. _

_What kind of protector was I? _

_I was no better than that damn bloodsucker._

The shiver up and down my spine increased in frequency and intensity. I began to inhale and exhale deeply. The added air circulating within my body helped calm me down. However I felt myself grow in size and I knew that I had distorted in shape. I closed my eyes and pictured my lungs filling with air concentrating on inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth as I released the energy from within. I was able to reverse the morphing effect.

_How shameful._

I ran restlessly in the dark woods until I reached a glistening stream that beat against the rocks of the blue-gray mountain. I sat down and thought about the last few months. My poor Bella, I hated myself for leaving her. But who am I to tell her what to do and how to act? Bella asked for me to stay. She had reached out for me on so many occasions. And each time she asked, I was there. Now that she felt she no longer needed me. I felt powerless. But what could I do?

_Bella made her choice. She doesn't want me._

_But see, if weren't for Edward and the influence that he has over her, then Bella would have had me stay._

S_tupid bloodsucker, venomous creature. Bella will never be the same because he stepped into her life. I am permanently different because of the presence of those soulless creatures of the night. **Edward should pay.**_

I am so sick and tired of placating to everyone.

I was used and abused. I let Bella reel me in and throw me away, just as he did to her. She must be practicing what she would say to Edward since he discarded her so effortlessly. Where is her Romeo now? I was her test subject. Someone for her to help her prepare for the inevitable rejection that soon will occur.

Edward didn't deserve her. He tainted her. He has no idea how to care for her. He hasn't spent as much time as I have with her. I am tired of being mistreated and ignored. I am now a man, a were-man per se, but those who cross my paths will hear my roar!

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As I neared my hometown I smelled an overpowering sticky smell.

_Vampires._

I looked down the main road and caught sight of a shiny Volvo.

_Edward._

_So this is where he has been this whole time? Parading around Forks? Doesn't he care that Bella is missing_?

A volcanic mass of anger rose within me, I shied back into the woods. But not before he caught scent of me. He car sped up and screeched to a halt at the spot I had last been. He gracefully jumped out of his car and ran towards stopping only 2 feet away.

"Where is she?" He demanded.

"Who?"

"Don't play games with me? Bella. Where is she?" His dark eyes widened and his body stiffened.

"You know Edward, you left her. Why would you even care what happens to her?"

Edward caught on to the implication embedded in my previous statement.

"Why, has something happened to Bella?" Please tell me!" He pleaded to me with his ocher eyes.

The pleasure was all mine. The bloodsucker was in agony and appeared all distressed over his precious Bella.

Guilt swept over me. This wasn't me. But the anger ripped through me. All I wanted was for Edward to feel half the pain that I have seen Bella go through. He has no idea.

"Don't you know, bloodsucker? Bella has been missing for months." I happily kept out that I had been closer the love of his life than he could ever imagine. If only he knew that I had been with her this whole time. A battle would surely result.

"Look, I have been looking for almost as long as she has been out of Forks. I had pretty much given up hope that I would ever see her again and then I found clues here in Forks. Clues that stated she would be in Jacksonville. I had been down there last month found nothing. I left her clues with Rene but I still haven't seen or heard from her." Edward bent his head down in shame. He had failed.

"Please, Jake, just help me." Again he pleaded with me.

If what this bloodsucker says is true, then Bella is misleading him. She is in Jacksonville now. If she knew he was heading there, why did she prolong it? Why not be with her beloved bloodsucker? As much as they are trying to meet up, they just are doing it all wrong. Or maybe she is purposefully avoiding him. Oh, Bella, damaged and broken she still fears that Edward will not want her.

_Why did I leave her?_

_She must be up to something._

I peeked over at Cullen and grasped the pain that he was in. _Good,_ I thought to myself. _That'll teach him Maybe now he'll come to understand half of what Bella is feeling._ Slowly I registered the confusion, comprehension and then anger that played on Edward's face. I had been blocking my thoughts from him up until now.

"Teach me what, exactly?" Edward engages.

A quiver runs through me and I begin to shake. A ripping sensation deafens the forest as I explode into the beast that I am. Edward awaits, grinning at me with a crooked smile. He dare not make a move first. Smart little bloodsucker, always planning out each move, so calculated and precise. With the months of practice, wrestling with Bella, I felt confident that I could defeat Edward. Now he would know what loss feels like. I launched at him at full speed. I crashed into his solid, marble physique. He jolted backwards and I recovered instantly from the impact. I went at him unexpectedly again. This time his statuesque form did not hold up and Edward went flying into the air. I ran around from behind and pounced on his torso as he came crashing towards the ground. We both landed with a thud. Wide eyed, I could see I only had a moment to strike, Edward was devising a plan to get out of my grasps. I leaned in, closer to his face with saliva dripping from teeth and opened my jaw, taking a bite out of his upper arm. Edward winced in pain.

_I will make you into swiss cheese, for Bella._

I lean forward again this time taking aim at the other shoulder when I feel two hands spring up from behind me, tugging at my fur, pulling me off of my prey. Quicker than expected, Edward jumps up and yells, "NO! Emmett, Jasper. This is between Jacob and me. I need to settle this for Bella." They release me from their grasps.

He eyes me warily and just as I thought he was trying to come up with a truce, he pounces on me. He had me completely pinned. He mimicked my earlier move and stood there with his mouth dropped open allowing the venom to drip ever so carefully out of his mouth. He moved inches closer to my face and smiled.

"Truce."

"What" I screamed. Oh yah, wolf form didn't help. I just looked up at him.

"Look, I know you know where Bella is. Please just tell me. I want to make things right. Did she give you instructions to avoid me like to plague?" He said with concern and conviction.

"I just want to know that she is ok." He pauses taking an unnecessary break.

"I want her to hear what I should have said years ago. I want her to know that I am sorry and that I am a coward. I want to beg to her to come home. So I am going to get up and let you go. I don't want to fight you. I believe that you are important to Bella. I can respect that."

I slowly morphed out of wolf form and crouched down into a sitting position now that I was back in human form.

I looked at this desperate man and stated, "She is in the swamps of Florida."

At first, he acknowledged that I had been with her, but didn't register what type of relationship we might have had. He didn't question the justification for her to be in the swamp.

Before leaving he smiled at me again and said, "thank you."

He was almost out of sight after he had realized the power behind each word.

He looked at me, " Why is Bella in the swamp and not living with Rene?."

I responded, "It's complicated. It's also her story to tell."

Then his eyebrow furrowed, "How do you know this ? Have you been there with her?"

Again, I attempted to avert the question.

"I have always been there for Bella".

"Funny. Is she hurt?

"I doubt it. Bella is a big girl now. If you know what I mean.

Edward looked at me quizzically and attempted to abstract that piece of info of Bella's safety.

Anger flashed before his eyes as his sister stepped out of the car and told Edward about her vision.


	15. Alice's Vision

A crashing picture comes colliding into my perception. I see Alice step out of the car, gasping, "Edward!" Her face contorted in agony, she exclaims "Oh Bella!".

My eyes close at the catastrophe in front of me.

_Bella crumpled to the muddy ground. She was crying her face was stained with dirt and rocks, her hair disheveled and unkempt. Her face buried into her knees and she curled up into a ball, pulling her knees up to her chest she began to rock. There was a fire ablaze in the town behind her in the distance. Tall grass surrounded her as she just sat, in what appeared to be a state of shock in the middle of a swamp. A heavy snarl resonated in the background. Bella's ears perked up and her head bobbed up. A crocodile crept up towards my angel. He crawled in a menacing way, approaching Bella. His pointed snout bared his teeth even though his jaw was closed. His belly dragged against the ground as he slithered closer. Bella looked at the tan colored reptile and sighed. She curled up more and placed her head back down, sobbing harder. _

_An explosion came from behind her, probably from the city in flames. She shuddered at the loud noise but kept her head down completely uncaring for the threat that lurked in the pit of mud, now only yards away from my precious. The fire continued and then fazed out.  
_

Alice looked over at me as I tried to decipher what I had just seen. I couldn't exactly see Bella's face since her hair had been pasted all over her forehead and cheeks. Rage built up inside me. My Bella was alone and in despair with nothing but disaster surrounding her. I couldn't be there for her. She was so far away. All I wanted to do was protect her from everything, my fragile angel.

I glanced up at Jacob, my eyes a deep onyx, and growled, "How could you just leave her?"

As soon as I said those words, instant regret swam over me. Bella wouldn't be alone if I had never left her in the first place.

Jacob looked at me, now trembling, "What's it to you? You left her to die."

I wasn't completely sure what he meant by that. Surely Bella had been hurting. I would know, I couldn't function without my angel. But, to say that I left her die? The only threat that I had left her with was Jacob and his gang. And honestly I didn't know that he had become a werewolf. Besides it's not like she had had a previous friendship with the mutt.

"I left her here in Forks with Charlie, to protect her from evils like me, like you. I tried to be strong and let her lead a normal life. I couldn't stay away. When I returned she was gone. But I see none of it has done any good, look at the trouble she's in now!"

Jacob looked at me quizzically. He hadn't seen what I had seen however he seemed to believe that Bella would be in some kind of trouble. I wondered what danger exactly Jacob believed Bella would encounter.

"You knew she would get into trouble and you left her, far from home, with no one to help her. You knew she would attract danger and now she is lost in the swamp with a crocodile swimming in her direction. Why? Why would you just dump her in the swamps?"

He continued to tremble. "I may not have been there for her but I didn't leave her surrounded by danger."

I knew that it wasn't Jacob's responsibility to care for my Bella. But I couldn't find her. I tried. I had been looking for her, to save her from herself. I wanted her so bad, perhaps I really wanted to save myself. Only an angel could do that. I recalled Alice's previous visions where Bella is floating in the air with a white light surrounding her. I remember seeing her lifeless body on the forest floor. I had thought she had died. I couldn't make sense of it. Emmett had believed that she had been transformed. I didn't agree. Something was missing. And what was that strange white light? It was difficult to decipher. All I know is that those visions had my head spinning already. And now there is a new one with her in the swamp. Did the other not happen? I'd never bet against Alice but I am not sure how else to interpret these visions.

I knew what I had to do. I had to find her my salvation. I wouldn't give up. This time I would be there for her. This time I wouldn't abandon her. I shuddered at the thought of impending doom.

_But what if I was too late._

I had to hurry, no more wasted time with the stupid dog.

I looked over at Jacob, "I am going to her. Where in Florida is she?"

Jacob scowled, "I don't know. She asked me to leave, so I did. What makes you think she'll take you back?"

In my head I smiled knowing that my Bella had pushed this dog's love away. She had been with him but she obviously hadn't chosen to stay with him. She scooted him away. But the damn mutt was right, _what if she didn't want me back? But then why would she have invited me to meet her in Jacksonville? And why had she not been in Jacksonville?_

So many unanswered questions so little time. I looked over at Alice, "I am going back to Florida."

All of sudden my five senses piqued. I felt a rush of emotions enter my body. I fell to the ground, holding it for support. I steadied myself and let the vision come. I saw Alice from my periphery run up to me screaming, "Edward! What is it? What's wrong?"

**The world spun a 180 and I was in the swamps of Florida. I could see lush green vegetation all around. I could hear the wild life cackling in the background. Loud deep resonating snarls, birds flying above in the scorching heat. I felt the bright sun beat down on my skin, I looked down and saw brown mud sticking to every inch of my pale skin. I could smell the nasty wasteland that surrounded me, then I saw her, my Bella, her eyes again covered by masses of clumped hair. All I could make out were black orbs where her eyes should be. Her skin looked ghostly pale. She cried out in despair, "Edward, where are you! I need you. Please don't leave me!" **

**In the background I could sense the heat from the fires in the city. As I inhaled the smoke wafted into my nose. I looked back into the direction of the town I saw a sign , broken and weathered, Everglades National Park. Paired off to the side of the road existed another sign that said route 41. **

**My Bella appeared before me again, this time she was standing, anger resonated from every pore of her body. Her voice deepened and her hands were radiating an orange glow. "Why don't you want me anymore?"  
**

I jumped up in a daze and said, "Bella needs me now. I have to go to her!"

Alice immediately responded by gracefully leaping in the Volvo, telling me mentally, _I'll drive you to the airport._

We left Jacob standing there, helpless in the dust our car had kicked up.

**A/N: Don't worry!! I 'll have the next chapter posted either late tonight or tomorrow. **


	16. Belward

I look around at the devastation of my evil deeds. All around me I see grief, agony despair. Reason returned with a vengeance.

_If only Edward could see me now._

The last few weeks have passed ever so slowly. The dark abyss that holds my sadness has swallowed me whole.

_Where is my salvation?_

Sanity had left me when I needed it most. The world once a place filled with laughter and love now ceased to exist just as my heart refused to pump blood. It beat for no one.

Funny, I had always wanted this. I had always wanted to be this magnificent creature, full of grace and beauty. Edward had tried to warn me, to keep me from this monstrosity I have become. He explained what he cursed each moment he spent with me. He hated himself. Yet, he was so strong, so powerful. Never once did he falter. He treated me like his princess. He had loved me. But he left me when his own family showed their true colors. If his own brother Jasper could turn on me who's to say that one day Edward wouldn't betray his heart and give in to his primal instinct?

Here I lay with this wasteland surrounding me, with only the guilt of those I have killed to keep me company. Over the past month I have taken 10 lives. Ten victims that had to be murdered because I submitted to the beast within. Shamefully I bowed my head in huddled into a ball. I took comfort in rocking myself while my mind wandered, mercilessly thinking about the souls I had devoured simply for pleasure. I had done so many times now. Each life I took, I had promised myself would be the last. I traveled to other cities to avoid attracting attention. I refused to go to Jacksonville, I didn't have the strength to avoid human blood and who knows what would become of me if I were to murder my own mother.

The world began to spin as those last thoughts played out into a nightmare in my mind. It was only a year ago that I ran to Phoenix to save my mother from the monsters of the night and now I hid from her for fear that I would one day kill her. Venom coursed through my veins. The blood I had recently drank bubbled in my throat and coated my eyes. I felt the anger rising from deep within. I let the rage come, opening the doors for my punishment. This madness was for me. I deserved to be consequenced. The boiling point was met and I new sensation swarmed my head. I felt my hands become prickly and I looked down to see my fingers balled into fists encompassed by a strange orange glow.

_Now what!_

I hated everything about myself. I hated my world, my being, my existence. I hated Edward for leaving me alone.

I reached out at the town in front of me and let out a piece of that rage.

Shockingly, a fireball shot from my fingertips and hit the town's clocktower. Instantly it was surrounded by flames. My eyes shot open and I sat up straight realizing that the burst came from my own hands. I cringed at the power before me and squeezed my eyes shut to will it all away.

Everything I touched seemed to go awry. Another wave of anger swept through my chest and two lightning bolts rocketed from my feet attacking the town's border. The solid wall that had guarded the town's entrance came crumbling down. The museum, now closed due to the late hour burst to flames. I glanced at the church behind the museum and thought to myself, _there is no God!_

Immediately the church was enveloped in a surge of flames seemingly appearing from a forcefield that engulfed the whole town. The people of this small rural place ran frantically attempting to save their precious historical monuments. I walked in deeper into the glades, happy to meet anything willing to destroy what was left of me.I walked for a mile before I simply stopped, sinking into pits of despair.

_Who was I really?_

_Bella Swan._

I never amounted to anything. No one even cared if I existed or not. I had gone to a little town called Forks. Everyone treated me like I was royalty, but no one really knew me. I could feel it coming. All that I had tried to push away. After all this time, the effort I had put forward had been for nothing. I felt myself spiralling down, out of control. I had no choice in the matter.

_I had killed people._

I was worth nothing now. I had no willpower to live for if I couldn't control my instinct to hunt then I was nothing. I could feel it now, it was knocking at my door, begging me to join in its angst. I deserved nothing I might as well invite it to come.

_Where was my Edward?_

I called out to him from deep within.

_Edward! Where are you?_

Oh! What did it matter? My Edward was pure. He was an angel of the night. He wouldn't want me now. I was a broken beast, bitter and betrayed. It wasn't suppose to be like this.

_Please don't leave me Edward._

A weird sensation surrounded my being. I felt closer to Edward than ever before. I could see him sitting there next to me in the mud. He looked down at his hands covered in mud. He raised his eyes to meet mine and winced as he saw the evil creature I had become. He looked away to avoid seeing what a wreck I was. And then he was gone.

Wow, I was delusional.

I heard a snarl erupt from behind me. A crocodile so vile and old attempted to creep over towards me.

_Who's the prey now?_

My scarlet eyes narrowed as I lowered my head letting him think that I was weak and afraid. He crept closer, he was now only a few inches away. His narrow snout reached me, opening gradually to avoid a quick response from me. Just then an eruption came from the town miles behind me. I jumped at the noise not ready for the disaster that ensued from afar. I returned my attention to the crocodile now frozen in place.

_Too easy._

But I was hungry.

I smiled venomously as I leaned in for the attack. I could sense the raw fear in this primal being now realizing that it was the hunted. I grabbed its jaws and opened it wider, exhilarated by the crispy crack it made when I snapped it beyond its capacity. I tore off his head and licked the substance off of the headless beast.

Reptilian blood was not on my favorite list of animals I savor but it would have to do. I decided I would try to feed as often as possible to possibly avoid hunting humans.

Their faces still haunted me. After my meal I stomped around in the swamp searching for something that would calm my nerves. I was so lost I had no purpose any more. I fell again, hopeless and began dry sobbing letting all of the pain out of Pandora's box.

I sat there for what felt like years. Dawn had come and gone twice. I never once stopped sobbing. I continued to rock in an effortless motion to wash the guilt away. Finally I was broken free from my shameful nightmare when I heard a rushing wind.

Something was coming. I could here it moving closer. It was coming at an incredible speed. The sound of his footsteps neared as he gallantly galloped through the swamp.

I recognized the scent. So familiar, so sweet and succulent. Dawn was approaching again, and he came into full view at the same time as the sun peeked up from the horizon.

_Edward._

I gasped. I couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it was hit by a brick. My knight in shining armor, skidded to a stop. I took it all in.

_One last glance._

He was magnificent. His curly mop sprung up and down, twinkling in the light. Thousands of little diamonds sparkled from his marble skin. I could see his chest erupting from his half buttoned shirt. His sculpted pecs seemed flawless. Finally I met his gaze.

_Why had he stopped?_

I could see the hurt in his eyes. His beautiful honey-brown eyes.

_Irresistible_.

Frustration played across his face. Edward now stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the sorely sight I was. My eyes widened as I realized I would once again be rejected.

_Not this time._

I acted quickly without thinking, I would do the walking away. I did not want to fall prey to him ever again.

_ Besides, he would never accept me. Ever again. I was no longer his precious Bella._

I stood up and took one step back. His eyes widened as he realized what I was doing. I whirled around and ran down towards the lagoon. I could feel the mud splashing up around me, even as a vampire I had no grace. Despair continued to bog me down. I struggled to keep my present speed. As each piece of mud flung at me I felt myself slow. A pain so intense coursed through my chest, weighing me down with regret and hurt. I kept on running. I couldn't let him say no. He hated me. He thought I was worthless.

He just came to prove to himself that I was not worthy. I felt my heart crack, it was already cold and dead but I felt it break in half. I couldn't bear it any longer. I fell for the third time. I couldn't run from him.

I huddled down into a ball. I drew my legs into my chest. I was covered in mud. Although it had become a sunny day nothing glistened from my skin. It didn't matter, he was gone.

_It was too late. I left him. He didn't want me. I wasn't worth the chase._

I didn't even want to look.

I knew he would be gone.

I began shaking as the tears refused to come. I moaned in agony and continued to sob. I Every negative emotion I have ever felt came rushing to me. Every pain I had ever felt rushed forward. I felt agony, despair, and guilt all mixed into one disasterous ball. I yelled out in my mind to the love of my life.

_I knew you didn't care about me!_

And suddenly a burst of fire encircled me.That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was surrounded by a ring of bright golden flames. I looked up in shock. I couldn't control my emotions, my hunger or even my sanity. And now, I was apparently a fire starter.

_What had I become?_

I continued to cry wishing for tears to come. Suddenly it became dark and a storm was summoned. I stared up at the sky in disbelief.

I caught sight of my Edward running up to the ring, he saw it burst into a wide red wreath and he ran faster, leaping over the firey flames joining me in the center.

"Bella" he breathed.

My salvation.

The rain began to come down hard at first. The drops were thick and long tasting bitter like salt.

I didn't know that rain was salty.

I realized that the sun still shone out in the horizon and that the dark cloud hovered only directly upon me. My sky was crying, for me.

Edward inched towards me. I shuddered. He paused seeing that I was afraid.

And I was. I was so fearful that he would walk away at this exact moment. He still had a chance to leave me forever. A memory only of his past.

_I was not worth it._

He took an exaggeratedly slow step towards me. I looked up meeting his gaze for the second time this morning. He knelt on one knee and took my face into his hands. He pushed back the mess of hair hiding my eyes and met my stare.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. What has happened? Are you hurt." He said with genuine concern.

Oh my sweet dark prince. Always trying to protect me. If only he knew the horrors. I simply stared up into his wonderous eyes. He looked taken aback as he peered into my blood red eyes. Realizing exactly the beast I had become.

_Now he would leave me for good._

"How long have you been a vampire?" He asked with his voice almost a whisper.

I reluctantly began my story. "A few months. I thought it was what I wanted. But I realize now that I want nothing if I can't have you. I'd rather die than..."

I wanted to continue to tell him how I feel. I wanted to confess it all.

I wanted to see if he would still stand here with me if he knew what a monster really is.

But he stopped me when he leaned forward and touched his lips to mine. So impulsive was his act. So unlike Edward. It was a simple kiss yet one filled with every shattered hope I had left behind. I felt his cold lips sting my own with a burst of freshness. I wanted more however I pulled back, once again meeting his eyes, swallowing the mass of guilt lumping together in the back of my throat, wondering if he would still accept me if he knew what I had done.

It didn't matter, I was here now and here he was. He pulled me back into his arms, embracing me and rocked me gently as he began to hum his lullaby. I buried my face into his bare chest. The contact of his skin against my own was heavenly. I breathed in his scent and felt my head spin. Even as a vampire, Edward took my breath away.

He paused just long enough to kiss my head, my neck and other more sensitive places. He left a tingling sensation on my body as I closed my eyes and wished for this to never end. I had to tell him. I had to know. He continued to sing softly and shushed me with is finger whenever I began to open my mouth.

I was with Edward.

I was in his arms.

I was home.

A/N: There is still more to come. This is simply their reunion. Please, please review. I would greatly appreciate the feedback. Thanks for your support.


	17. confessions

**EPV**

I looked down at my angel cuddled into my arms. My iron grip refusing to give.

_This time I won't let go._

I see my Bella shivering from shock. She must have endured a horrific transformation. Her head rested gently on my bare chiseled chest. I caressed her cheeks and pulled her hair back out of her pale face. She inhales deeply and moans.

_My Bella was a vampire!_

_How did this happen?_

_When did it occur?_

_Why wasn't I there to protect her?_

I had failed her in so many ways. I wanted to protect her from me so I let her be. When that didn't work, I spent every minute with her. She still managed to attract danger from other vampires who happened along. She was almost killed by my brother. I knew I couldn't pretend that I could protect her so I left her to live her life as it should be lived; without any vampires.

That was the worst mistake ever.

_I can't seem to get anything right with my Bella. She deserves more._

_ But I have to stop pitying myself. Bella needs me. _

_She is in a lot of pain._

I couldn't quite figure out what was wrong with her. She was a horrid sight to see.

No matter, my angel, always gorgeous even with layers of mud caked on her body.

Her head snuggled deeper against my chest. I took my hand and gently combed through her matted hair. Clumps of dried up mud and ...

_was that blood in her hair?_

I rested my palm on her chin and pulled her face towards me. Her scarlet eyes burned dark as she peered at me with a questioning look.

_What was that look, fear of abandonment or worry or dread? _

My Bella looked preoccupied over some impending doom.

My angel, hurt and all alone. Took a deep breath and opened her mouth as to speak, "SSSHHHHH!" I told her. I pressed my finger to her lips.

I had so many unanswered questions and I really wanted to know but more importantly, I wanted her to rest. She didn't need to sleep but she did need to relax and understand that she was now safe from whatever or whomever.

She made herself comfortable and gave into my embrace. I allowed the energy to pass through me. I had felt so lost and alone without her. I thought she had been hurt. I worried that I would never see or hold my Bella again. And now here she was; cold and bitter with pain. I kissed her head and then began kissing her gently down the side of her face all the way down to her neck. Bella smiled a bit and then even giggled. Now that I had her in my arms I was never letting her go. She was mine. She wanted me. Yet she didn't seem like my usual Bella. I wonder how much this effect is due to the transformation or how much the trauma of me leaving her has affected her.

It just seemed as if she were holding something back. Something was off. I know she's a vampire now but it was something else and I couldn't seem to put my finger on it.

_Maybe she's hungry. When was the last time she went hunting? What does she hunt? How long has she been hunting alone?_

Perhaps something more intimate happened between Jacob and my Bella. What if I was too late? But more importantly how did Bella become a vampire? When did this incredible act occur? I looked down at her once more. Her eyes were closed and she was still now. She purred every so often and mumbled incoherent sounds. My beautiful Bella. She looked so peaceful now that she had calmed down some.

I had to know.

It was chewing at me from within, I didn't know how to comfort her without knowing. It shouldn't matter where she 's been or how she got to where she was. However, the nagging wouldn't stop.

"Bella?"

She glanced up at me with fear in her eyes.

"Bella, I want you to know that I never meant for you to go through any pain. All I wanted was to keep you from harm. I want you to know that it was pure torture to pull myself away from you when I did." I paused as I prepared for the more difficult confession.

"Edward, I know. You lied to me. You told me you didn't love me." Bella said rather blankly.

"And it was the hardest thing I had ever done. But it hurt even more when you accepted it as truth after all that we had been through." I swallowed and continued, "I wanted you to have a normal happy life free from danger, free from a world of vampires and werewolves."

"Well Edward, you did. But what you didn't account for was the depression that I would fall in after you left me. I fell apart. I can't recall months of my life. I remember trips to Forks and spending time with Jacob." I cringed as she said his name.

"I remember really waking up and wanting to look for you. At first I did believe you. I had always suspected that I wasn't good enough to be yours. You, a god amongst mortals so magnificent." Bella sat up and looked me straight in the eyes. She appeared so determined. She wanted to tell me what she had gone through and I wanted to know.

"But, Edward, I figured you out. You manipulated me. You had a plan. I want to know what that plan was. You're always so precise and well thought out. What were you hoping would happen when you left me?"

I looked at her unable to answer.

"See I have a theory about that."

More theories, huh?" I winked at her.

"Well I thought that you were so out of sorts that you really didn't plan it all out this time. I believe that the love you felt for me clouded your judgment. You said so yourself. If it wasn't for me being there when James was hunting me, you would have fought him right then and there. I slowed you down. I was a distraction."

"You were a lot more than a distraction, Bella. You changed my world. I left you being completely unselfish. I didn't think about what effect it would have on me. I fell apart. And when I collected myself enough to realize that I couldn't exist without you, I went looking for you. But you weren't there. You were gone." I felt Bella stiffen in my arms and her she aimed her gaze down.

"Edward, when I "came to" I went back to Forks and searched for you. When you weren't there I decided to leave you a message. I thought that if I went and stayed in the sun with Renee, I would pull out of the gloom that surrounded me. I was in such a rut. But then I was attacked and..."

I cut her off, "You were attacked? By who?"

"Victoria happened. Edward, you left me. I fell apart. Then Charlie moved me away. But I couldn't stay away..." Bella began to shake as she became overwhelmed with emotion.

"I went searching for you and all I found was trouble. Victoria found me in our meadow. She attacked me. She was going to kill me. Luckily Jacob was there and he stopped her but not before she had bitten me twice. Sam wanted to kill me too. Jacob made him let me go. So I left, in search of you."

I was horrified with what I just heard. So they left a new-born vampire to fend for herself and exiled her from Forks and LaPush.

"I'll kill that mutt." I muttered.

Bella looked at me. "You can't hurt Jacob."

"Bella, I am not going to hurt him. But I can't be around him. He says he's your friend and then he sends you away. It is so difficult to be alone. And he knows better than I that a newborn vampire can't control themselves. Bella, it was wrong what he did."

"Well then that is why he probably came after me. He found me in the forest by the edge of a mountain crying. He said he had a feeling about me. I think he came to check up on me and put me down if I had turned to the dark side. He had mentioned he was worried about that."

I shivered at the thought of my Bella turning to the dark side.

"So he kept you safe?"

"Edward, he really cares about me, he just wanted to protect me. But then one day I had had enough. I asked him to leave. So he did."

"Bella, what happened between Jacob and you?" I had to know.

"He just leaves you just like that? What happened? How long was he with you?" I bombarded her with questions.

Bella shifted around uncomfortably. She averted her gaze, took a deep breath and began again.

"Edward, I don't want you to be mad. Jake and I are friends. He was there when you weren't. I'll admit, he's always wanted more. And at times, I was even tempted to just settle. I asked him to leave because I only want you. As comfortable as I was with Jacob, I really was never complete. He doesn't know me like you do.

But Edward, you weren't there. It got hard. I thought I could do it..."

Bella began to cry. She curled up into a ball and dry sobbed. Her body quivering in my arms. She had retreated into her shell. Bella was in shock again. As resilient as vampires are, she had been through a lot. Although I wanted to know more I had to worry first about the state that I found my Bella in. She was in a fog. I didn't know vampires could break down like that.

Bella had often presented with a labile mood, constantly fluctuating from happy to angry. She was full of life and spirit. Her cheeks gave her emotions away. But not now. Now I saw before me a pile of agony.Something must have happened. Jacob had been real sour. Did something else happen? I need to know?

Maybe she's in danger. I hope that there isn't some sort of lynching party after her.

I cradled her into my arms and began rocking her gently; humming and singing comforting songs. Bella's eyes remained wide opened. Two deep black orbs with maroon rings. She was definitely hiding something from me.

Perhaps if I can calm her down she will come around. I believe if she says everything now she will collapse. I should probably call Carlisle. He would definitely have some good advice as to what to do in this situation.

_How dare Jacob just leave a newborn vampire._

_And why didn't he tell me that she had been transformed? _

What was he trying to hide? That she had been transformed!

Did he think I had something to do with it?

Did he blame me for what happened to her?

And what is with Alice's visions. Catastrophe all around. White light. Emmett was right, it must have been her transformation ,her death. I took another peek at my angel. Bella's eyes are real red.

How long has she been a vampire? Well with all this swamp trash, I wasn't sure any of it was doing much justice.

But her eyes are real red. Blood red. And they have been darkening since I found her.

For a moment recognition registers across her face. A new emotion appears. Guilt. Bella was ashamed of herself.

_But why?_

"Bella, it's OK. You don't have to tell me everything now. Just think back to when we first met and I spent 2-3 days quizzing you on everything there was to know about you. Do you remember?"

Bella slowly met my eyes. "Yes Edward, I remember"

"Well it's the same thing. I want to know where you've been and what you've been through. Bella, I love you. I always will no matter what."

Bella's eyes turned down and her face scrunched up. "Edward, I am so afraid you won't love me after I tell you everything."

She lowers her gaze again.

Bella begins to tell me the horrors she encountered. She tells me about her first hunt. The wild thirst and cessation. She tells me about the first little girl that caught her attention. I couldn't bare to hear it but then she tells me that she didn't go through with it and that shortly after that experience, Jacob and Sam had found her. She told me that when they reached edges of towns, Jacob had to wrestle her to the ground to keep from stalking innocent prey. She told me the whole story of her awakening.

She then tells me about how Jacob didn't let her have fun. How he treated her like a big brother sometimes and others as if he were her probation officer. She said she couldn't take it anymore. So she made him leave. She said then she felt she could actually hunt, just like the first time with the lioness.

Only her plan faultered.

Bella told me how she gave in to her inner beast. Her body became rigid and her voice distant. She began to pull away from me gathering strength as she told me about each murder she committed. I couldn't understand. My Bella who was always strong and sensible.

The guilt she must feel.

But there was something else. As she told me each individual case, she also told me the satisfaction she felt with each kill. She told me that she felt drawn to each person. Sometimes she would travel from town to town until she found the right scent.

I didn't understand. I wanted to turn away and run. I wanted time to just think. My innocent angel had turned dark.

"Edward. Edward. I am sorry. Their fragrance lured me. I was possessed. And then the euphoria I would feel afterwards was intoxicating. Edward, I promised myself after each time that it was the last time."

I just listened. It was unbearable.

"Edward, it was unbelievable, after the first one. I ran as deep into the woods as possible. I ran as far away. But the scent would still catch up with me. And I would hunt again. Let me tell you, when I was human, I never remembered you hunting as often. Even when I was with Jacob I didn't hunt but twice a month. It was weird, it was as if some force took over my body, it wasn't me. But the after effect was incredible. I felt like I had accomplished something. I am not sure what came over me. I am a monster."

Bella crumpled down in shame.

I was disgusted. She had given me details of each murder. She was right. There was some sort of sense of accomplishment surrounding her. I wanted to turn away. No I didn't want to leave my Bella. She just caught me by surprise. But I had to be tough. Act as if what she had said hadn't jaded me as it had.

I pulled a stiff Bella back in to my arms and caressed the nape of her neck. I bent forward and kissed her gently on the lips. I parted my lips just enough to allow our kiss to grow. My arms reached up and around her fully embracing her with my love. I tilted her chin back and left a moist trail down her neck and towards her shoulders. Bella squirmed. She relaxed a little as did I. I trudged forward.

"Bella, we've all had our weak moments. Think of Jasper. He hunted humans for 70 some years before he turned vegetarian."

I thought back to my vampire adolescence. "Even I had my own period of rebellion. I hunted people. I thought that I would be different. Since I had the power to read their thoughts, I really believed that I was only killing the bad. I was overwhelmed with guilt. I still am for those I viciously murdered." As much as I tried to justify what Bella had done, I felt sick. The land began to spin and I felt myself lose grasp of reality. Bella's world came clashing forward and I inhaled a sweet, succulent smell. A vision came forward at full throttle:

_There we were Bella and I, holding hands looking out towards an older gentleman in his high-rise condo. His tender skin, pink around his nose appeared so lush and ripe. I could hear his pulse throbbing in his neck. An aroma so tempting lingered at my nose. In the background I could feel the heat rising. I felt an incredible hunger over power me. The thirst was like nothing I had ever felt before. I had to have it. I would do anything to for it. Reason stepped out._

As quickly as it came, the vision disappeared. Bella peered up at me and smiled seductively. Her onyx eyes shone a bleak light. "I guess it is time to hunt. Thirsty?"

I felt a twinge of discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I quickly pushed it away. I had absolutely no control. Bella stood up and straightened herself out. She stretched out my hand and pulled me close to her.

"Come with me and see what I see. This is a ride to experience".

I was completely entranced in her spell.

I was devoted to following her wherever she led as long as it brought me back to that sweet, seductive smell.

I believe in the distance I heard the sound of a cellphone tune. But I was gone. I had no intention of turning back.


	18. The hunt

A/N: I know that some of you are confused and wondering where in the world is this heading? Is Bella bad? Will Edward accept bad Bella or is there something I am missing. Well, be patient, all will come together and all will be explained in good time.

Remember when you first read New Moon and you realized that Edward left Bella? Remember hoping, wishing and wanting him to return? Now I know that some of you were so distressed by Edward's absence that some of you flipped to the end to find out he does return. Well this is the same thing. What will Bella do? What will Edward do? What is going on. Why is she evil?

All answers come to those who wait.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I am nothing.

Just a fan.

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The Hunt

Our eyes were blazing red after our meal. I couldn't believe the exhilaration the rush the power that came after the feeding. I could still feel the blood curdling scream that came from the woman. My Bella and I had been hunting humans for the past month. So far, one per week. I can honestly say that I enjoyed it. I took pleasure in taking these people lives. I felt like it was my calling.

The first time it was a lot easier than I would have thought

Bella and I ran full speed into the town that drew us. We crept quietly in the night. Unseen and in the dark, we climbed up the side of the red brick high rise that the older man lived in. We stood steadily perched on the windowsill. The window in front of us was closed and locked. Bella closed her eyes and an energy protruded from her body. She clenched her jaw and the energy seemed to saunter out of her. Then I saw the lock move on its own accord. Bella had moved it. A breeze had suddenly picked up and Bella's hair floated around her head. Bella was still covered in mud. She had pieces of it caked to her cheeks. But Bella's eyes were radiant and red. Her pale skin shone in the ivory moon. An orange glow consumed her from the inside out. She took her fingers and placed them on the glass sliding it open. She slithered into the room and I followed without hesitation. A sharp burst caught my nose. This was a smell so strong so alluring I couldn't control my thoughts. I had to have it. Bella glowed even brighter as she inhaled the scent to the capacity of her lungs. Bella glanced over at me with her hungry eyes and smacked her lips. Just as I was convinced that reason had deserted me for certain, I heard his thoughts. They came to me in full force. These thoughts were stronger that the ones I typically sensed. These were like the ones I had of Bella. They contained a slew of all five senses. I understood why fate had brought us to this man's doorway.

I returned Bella's stare as she realized that I finally comprehended. She smiled seductively and crawled up over towards the big Victorian bed that the man slept on.His dreams, more like nightmares loomed over his head. She gently pulled the blankets off of the old man. No blankets, the window was wide open and the man shivered at the burst of cold air. Bella had now crawled onto the bed, sitting over the man spreadeagle. His breathing quickened and stuttered and his wrinkled eyelids fluttered open. A gasp caught in his throat. He finally found his voice and focused his full attention on my Bella, "Well, hello there young lady? What can I do for you?" An obscene amount of visions of this old bag violating my angel came flooding into my mind. I had no reservations about taking his life. Bella bent down, pulling his chin up and out of the way. She licked her lips hungrily and opened her jaw, the man had now idea what was ahead. She sunk her teeth into to his neck and let out a moan as she drank from his elixir. With one hand raised she motioned for me to come.

_As you wish._

I joined her on the bed and bit down on this man's chest. An ecstasy so surreal entered my body. I continued to drink as did Bella. I felt so powerful, rejuvenated and alive. Even more importantly, I felt a sense of achievement of satisfaction. We finished him off in a matter of minutes. Any tension that had existed previously had now dissipated into nothing. I felt at peace.

_What an odd sensation to have after feeding._

After we had fed, Bella took a shower and freshened up. She came out wearing a black wife beater and a dark blue bagging sweats. She had rolled up the bottoms and cleaned off her airwalks. She had spent quite a bit of time in the bathroom. I guess that there was a lot to clean up. Her hair had been blown dried. It was long and black with streaks of blonde framing her face. My beautiful Bella, bouncing her hair as she walked over to me. I was still skating on clouds from the high I received after feeding.

"Edward, Edward are you ok?" Concern consumed Bella's face.

"Bella, what is going on?" I had still had this haze of happiness lingering over my head. I couldn't shake it. Everything we just did felt right.

"Bella I don't understand. Why don't I feel like I did before? I have hunted humans and it never felt like this. The hunt. The thirst. The after effect." I looked at her as confusion swam in my eyes.

"Edward, you've seen it. You've had the visions. I can't control it. I have to do it. The more I ignore this calling the more agony I feel. Edward, I need to know that you are with me. I can't control what is happening to me. Maybe I don't want it to stop. All I know for sure is that I don't want anything if I don't have you. I am ashamed because of the way you look at me now. I destroy things."

"Bella, I am not sure what is going on. But I have a theory."

"Uh-oh! More theories?"

"Bella, I think that your powers have something to do with what is going on. I could hear that man's nightmares. You could feel his aura. He was a very bad man. Old age didn't slow him down. He was down right sadistic."

"I know". Bella lowered her head in shame.

"So then why did I find you in such a mess?"

"Because I am doing this all alone. I have had to this all without you. I turned with out you. I hunted without you and I became a mess and collapsed and you weren't there to pick me up. Edward I missed you" Bella collapsed in the tan arm chair, pulling her knees up to her chest and rocking ever so slightly.

I walked over to her and put my had on her shoulder and began twirling my fingers in her hair.

"The worst mistake I ever made was leaving you. No words can explain what I was thinking. I wanted to protect you. It was hopeless to have thought that. How could I protect you when I couldn't even take care of myself? Bella I was a mess without you. I will never leave you again." I picked her up off of the couch and pulled her close to my chest. She snuggled in immediately. She took her hands and reached them up my neck, her icy fingers sending sparks through my skin. She cradles my chin with one hand and places the other behind my head. She pulls me forward and my lips meet hers. We locked lips for what seemed like an eternity. Both of our breaths quickened and my hands began to explore. This was all uncharted territory. The only thing holding us back was us.

She pulls back for a moment and peers into my eyes, "I have, do and will always love you."

Her eyes glisten with the light peering in from the dawn. She had more to say, "I will always be afraid that you will leave me. What you put me through was pure agony. And now here I am a huntress of the night. Do I repel you? Will you still love me when the guilt comes to consume you? My biggest fear has always been that you would leave."

"And here I am. Bella I am sorry. I want to make it up to you."

"But what about what's happened here?"

"Bella, you were young. You had no power, no control."

"Edward you are wrong this is so much more. I know that you feel it too." She began to raise her voice.

The full force of her eyes shifted towards me. I could anger rising with in her as balls of orange flames sprouted from her fists.

"Bella calm down. Yes, I feel it too. We need to call Carlisle. He can help up figure this out."

I picked up my phone and turned it on. I flipped it open ready to call home when it hit me again. The most amazing scent ever. Bella was already crouching in a cat like stance as the vision came flooding at me.

On the phone I could hear Alice's voice so far away and distant.

"Edward are you there? Edward. What is going on? I can't see anything. Did you find Bella?..."

I reached for Bella's hand and we both took strides towards the window. Together we leapt out and landed with a thud 30 floors below. I could barely see straight the power of the image consumed me.

**A/N: Next chapter, the vision. Full explanation of Bella's power. Should be up tomorrow.**

**Please read and review. I am lonely**


	19. Bella's visions

Bella's Visions

_Two men dressed in rags came clear into my mind. I could taste the stale air and smell the raunchy smell that emitted from their bodies. The sun came in full blast from the stained windows causing me to have to shade my eyes. The first man coughs up phlegm the second is sitting by the light of the window sharpening his army knife. The first man is wearing a black tank with dark blue cargo pants torn at mid calf. The second man is smoking cigarette wearing what was left of a white polo tee and black sweats covered in mud. I could smell their blood coursing through their veins. My head swayed with the power of their scent. I wanted nothing more but to taste. I scanned the room and saw a bed with chains protruding from the head of the bed as well as the feet. The sheets were white with brown spots, smelling like caked up blood. But this blood was different. It repulsed me. I only wanted them. A video recorder sat on its tripod only three feet away from the bed. I could still hear the screams from last night's thrill kill. The sign outside the second man's window gave me enough clues to determine their location._

I followed Bella enchanted by this vision, by the thought of the feeding to come. I licked my lips in anticipation. Somewhere, deep inside I heard reason struggling to get out. I didn't care. All I wanted was pure ecstasy. I knew that this I would have with Bella and her visions.

Again, I heard my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. A distant recollection of a pixie like girl flickered into my periphery. I felt a longing to hear her voice, but I simply refused to listen to my inner conscience.

Bella tugged at my arm. She was as excited as I felt. She had jumped out the window pulling me with her. We landed with a thud and ran full speed to our next destination. I wanted nothing more but to be with my angel. However nothing seemed right anymore.

I couldn't understand.

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I could still hear the blood curdling scream of their next victim. She helplessly cried for a savior; yet no one came. I wanted nothing more of this. I could feel it in my heart. But I continued. The alluring quality of their blood motivated my actions. I came barreling into the somber room and was met with two wild eyed glares from the men that haunted my visions. The first man simply stood there, confused. He then looked over at Bella and smiled. New thoughts of what he could do with her and the other victim came rushing into his mind.

_The potential..._

I closed my eyes, I didn't want to hear him finish that thought. I lunged at him first. It seemed that the dirtier his thoughts became, the more I lusted to drink from his elixir. I killed him quickly. I snapped his neck and drank directly from his chest. I bled him dry.

On the other side of me, Bella toyed with her meal. She allowed the man to watch in horror as I attacked his mate. She provoked him and egged him on as she accentuated my actions with her words.

"Is he drinking from him?"

"Oh look he's bled him dry!" The second man looked on in horror.

He did not hesitate to scream and struggled uselessly in her arms. He watched as I came up to the first man and grabbed his neck twisting it as quickly and effortlessly as if it were twig. The second man gasped in agony as Bella sadistically smiled. She giggled with excitement. As my eyes met hers, I struggled to see the joy she felt. As she realized that I was not taking the same pleasure as she, her vision came stumbling back stronger than before. All of the visions we had had since the beginning were crowding at me. I fell to the ground with emotion.

_I remembered the first vision of the old man. He was a priest who preyed upon the faithful children that served him. He treated them like little Gods and then when they were his for the taking he beat their spirits down. This evil man singled out his followers and lowered their self-esteems. They were worthless in the eyes of the lord unless they did as told. And they did. The filth of the tasks he made these children do, penetrated horrendously in my brain. _

_Next came the school teacher. She seemed so average and innocent. She appeared like a librarian. A manipulative and conniving woman, she befriended many young girls in the junior high she taught. She spent late nights with each one and eventually turned them out. They actually believed that because they thought fondly of her, their wonderful teacher, that they were lesbians. And after these innocent girls accepted that they were different, this woman would shame them for going against what God stated was normal in the bible. The agony that these girls felt, perturbed my mind._

I looked up at our second prey and wanted nothing more but to taste his red fluid. But Bella stood in between me and my next meal. She laughed a hearty laugh. A strange glow emitted from her hands and I felt myself pushed back towards the wall. She had total control. She had me by her side and doing as she wanted. She was out of control. My head pounded, aching with the loss I felt for my beloved Bella and stressing over the acts I had committed.

_I had to get away._

I was strayed away from my thoughts by a grunt set forth from the man that Bella held steady in her arms. She drank from his neck and he began to settle down as became weak from loss of blood. Bella had injected her venom and he collapsed to the floor stunned. Bella became distracted with her victim that I realized that I had a chance. I didn't think twice about it. I ran out the door of the shabby apartment, not looking back, not stopping to bid my love farewell.

_I just left._

I finally pulled away from my dark angel, long enough to understand that she was controlling me, I had to leave.

I had to run away from those awful visions.

I don't know how she was doing it, but she was putting those thoughts in my head.

They couldn't be real.

Nothing so horrific could warrant what measures we had taken against them.

Bella must be a very powerful vampire.

I wonder how much she actually knows she can control. She didn't seem surprised when she pressed me up against the wall. She also appeared aware that her visions were being projected into my head.

Not only did she have the ability to share her thoughts and emotions with others in vision form, she could also enhance her emotions and project them as elements. Her emotions became elemental, they were shared with objects and people as Bella chose.

_Bella was strong. _

_Bella was scary._

As my head was clearing, I realized that I had to get away.

_ I love her but I need to think and she isn't let me think. _

_I need Carlilse. _

I ran and ran away. I left her, without a word, not even a goodbye, not even a kiss.

_I simply abandoned her, again!_

I dug into my pocket and found my cell phone. It was turned off. I hadn't charged it in over a month. I didn't seem to have a need to use it. I went to a pay phone and called collect. I dialed in the number that would lead me to salvation.

Alice answered and accepted quicker than I could have hung up the phone.

"Edward! Where have you been? We've been trying to call you. Edward, where are you? Why were you ignoring our calls? We 're so worried. I didn't have a single vision of you or Bella for nearly a month until just an hour ago! Are you with Bella? Is she safe..." Alice rattled off what seemed like an infinity of questions. I simply cut her off and responded.

"Put Carlisle on the phone."

Carlisle got on the phone, "Edward what is going on?"

"Carlisle, I don't know. I need your help and I need it now."

"Edward settle down. Now tell me what happened." Carlisle sounded worried on the phone. I couldn't blame him, I hadn't spoken to any of the Cullens in almost a month.

"I will. But I can't right now. Come down here and meet me in Florida. But come soon. I'll tell you everything then." My voice was on edge. I could hear it's pitch waver as I ordered my family to come down.

"Edward, that's fine. Alice is booking the tickets right now. But tell me something, where is Bella? Why couldn't Alice see you? It will be a while before we can reach you. Are you in danger? Is there something that we should be watching out for?"

Carlisle had a point. If Bella found me before my family, I could get lost in her world again. I was too ashamed to tell Carlisle what I had done. So I summed up the danger as best as I could.

"Bella IS a vampire. And her power is overwhelming. I have been under her spell for the past month. I can't explain it right now. I just came to. It's like I could see what I was doing but I had no control..."

"Edward, Jasper says he's really concerned. What you just described is what he felt when he lost control and fed off humans. What have you been doing?" Carlisle was always so smart. He had already figured me out.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it. I just need to figure out what is going on before she finds me again. And I can't leave her alone; not again. She needs my help. I just don't know how. Please hurry." I looked around and realized I hadn't moved in a while. I was a ready target. "I have to get going."

"We'll be down there in 6 hours. Be safe, Edward" Carlisle's last words clung on to me. I ran into the street hailing a cab. I needed to kill some time before meeting my family at the hotel by the airport.

_What was I going to do?_

_What had happened to my Bella?_

**A/N: Please stick around. There is an explanation for everything. Carlisle will come to save the day. He always has the answers doesn't he? I know this chapter was short. But please read and review anyway.**


	20. A final decision

**A final decision**

I didn't even realize that he was gone until the ecstasy from the last kill had ceased to course through my veins. I could still feel the good vibrations within me and I slowly began to realize that once again I was alone. The room had darkened and the remains of the bodies from last night's kill lay scattered in pieces on the floor. I had let their victim go.

I had also lost Edward.

_He left me. I knew he would. I told him I was a monster, too terrible for even him to accept. _

I gathered up enough energy, targeting my feelings in their lifeless direction. They would burn for their crimes. I had to be sure that they were dead. They were bad enough as humans. I couldn't fathom what they would be like as vampires. I couldn't risk it.

_I was alone again.  
I thought he understood.  
He never said otherwise. I thought he loved me._

_He left without a word._

_We were never meant to be._

_I__ don't understand what is going on. I feel driven to kill these people. I felt so ashamed in the beginning thinking I had no control, but when Edward was by my side, he made it alright. Suddenly, I understood that these people needed to die. I can't help it if I got high from their deaths. I could stop if I wanted to, I really could. But then those visions would haunt me. A sharp pain resonated in my chest. I'll never be the same. All he does is leave. I could feel the holes in my heart widen and my sad, dead, lifeless organ shatter. _

_He doesn't love me. _

_He never did._

_I am so disgusting. _

_I am a monster._

_What am I doing? When did I ever think that Edward would accept me taking human lives? No one will. Not even Jacob. That is why I asked him to leave. I didn't understand. I needed to stop those people. But do their evil deeds make it alright for me to perform my evil deed? I am so lost. On one hand there is this strong urge to do what I feel is right, what gratifies me when I am through, what ends the pain that others suffer. On the other hand there is Edward. I would do anything for Edward. But he isn't coming back. _

_What is the point of existing without him? He found me in the pits of despair and now has left me in hell.  
_

_ I don't understand. Everyone I love leaves me._

_Renee._

_ Edward ._

_The Cullens._

_Jacob._

_ They don't really care about me. I am just a burden. I am a nuisance, a trouble maker. If Jacob found out what I was doing, he'd kill me. I should cease to exist. What is the point? If I went to Sam and told him what I was doing, he would have Jacob end my sad little existence. But could he do it?_

_Would I fight back? I certainly wouldn't want to hurt my dear Jacob. But what if I lost control? He was no match for my powers. I can't imagine wanting to destroy him. He's so special. No I can't go home. _

_But where can I go?  
_

After many hours of morbid thinking, I remembered a conversation I had, had with Edward long before he left me the first time.

He said the only way for a vampire to commit suicide is to have the Volturi do it for you.

_Who are these Volturi?_

I remember in the Cullens home a picture of Carlisle with three other vampires. Their skin looked like onion peels. They were so transparent. Perhaps they have the answers. Edward had said that they were like the government for vampires. If I stood before them and told them of my crimes they would consequence me as I deserved. These Volturi might have answers for what is happeneing to me.

_Maybe it isn't all so bad._

_Maybe I'll have a home in Volterra._

_But can I go on without my Edward?_

I sat down and thought about Edward. His eyes now red because of me. He followed me, religiously without a doubt in his mind.

_How did he find me? _

I must have summoned him to me. There is no other way.

_Edward I need you. Why did you leave me?_

I collected all of my emotions and bundled them up. I thought even harder about Edward. I pictured his dirty blond locks, scattered in his eyes. And then I saw him, really saw him. He was sitting on a bed in what appeared to be a giant suite. He looked intensely focused on telling someone an important message. I concentrated harder and attempted to see what he was seeing. It was Carlisle. He was surrounded by his family. They were listening intently to Edward's words. I focused back on Edward and screamed in my mind.

_How dare you leave me, Edward._

_Now you've lost me forever._

I was so angry, here I was abandoned with nothing but ash surrounding me. Darkness clung to me and I had no way to escape it. He saw the horrors of my ways and fled. He didn't take a second look to help me out with him. And now here I am in the pits of hell, alone.

_I'm glad you were able to save yourself, Edward. You are a coward._

I yelled at him as I focused even harder I saw that Edward had recognized my voice. He looked up from the bed he was sitting and his face winced in agony. He understood the pain in my voice and the venom in my heart. He screamed out, "Bella, I am so sorry".

All of sudden, he was sitting besides me. I hadn't moved. He knew I was still there. He could see the smoke filtering up from the remains of the bodies on the floor. He squinted as he glanced at me. He raised his hands to shield his face and said, "Bella, no more!"

He crumpled into a heap on the bed. He was no longer next to me. He couldn't take it. I was too much for him.

I still had a window from which to glimpse at him. His family had huddled around him and Carlisle began to talk real fast into his ear.

"Tell her we want to talk to her. Tell her we love her, Edward."

I closed my eyes. I wished for it to be gone.

I had caused my Edward so much pain. I had forced him to do unimaginable things. I didn't even mean for this happen. I just wanted to be with Edward. Now I was all alone. The overwhelming guilt I felt was unbearable.

I had to leave. I loved him too much. I can't bear to see him hurt the way he is hurting now.

I shall cease to exist.

I will go to the Volturi.

He'll never hear from me again.

**A/N: Short but sweet, right? Never fear, next Chapter is up tonight. Carlisle has some words of wisdom to enlighten us all.**

**Please read and review.**


	21. Words of Wisdom

**Words of Wisdom **

**Carlisle POV**

We were meeting Edward at the airport. He sounded utterly confused on the phone. I hope that he can hold on until our plane arrives. Alice got the earliest available flight. The plane flew steadily in the stormy sky. I could already make out the outline of the coast through the threatening clouds. My mind began to go over the conversation I had had with Edward over the phone. The whole time I couldn't shake the bad feeling I had that jaded the usual peaceful aura that I typically carried. Jasper, only a few rows ahead could sense my discomfort and squirmed impatiently in his seat. I was baffled by the presentation that Edward had given over the phone. It was as if he were in a trance. He had said that he was under her spell.

_But Bella?_

The pieces just didn't fit. The Bella I knew and came to adore was not a heartless monster. Edward sounded terrified and as if his heart were split in two. No doubt he loved her and would be willing to sacrifice himself for her.

_But exactly how far would he go for love?_

He said that although he was in a trance, he could still remember his actions. He sounded repulsed by what he had seen over the past month. Perhaps he was terrified by his own actions. He said that he could see himself from the inside but that he couldn't control himself on the outside. Jasper had alluded that it sounded all too familiar. He had mentioned similar feelings when describing his half a century of preying on humans. Edward had also mentioned that he felt that if he did not have the ability to make rational decisions then how could he possibly care for Bella. It sounded so odd. She was a vampire. A very powerful vampire.

_What was Edward so afraid of?_

_Were they eating humans?_

_Edward wouldn't dare. But would he? Would he do it if she asked him too? _

_Perhaps we were going about this all wrong. How strong is Bella? Could she potentially infect the rest of us with her spell?_

This was definitely something that needed to be addressed and quick. We needed to find Bella.

Oh but this doesn't make sense!

How could Edward lose it so quickly? He was not an impulsive being. He thought everything through. He would have succeeded where Bella would have failed. He would have stopped her and helped her to the right path.

How powerful can she be?

Perhaps its the connection that the two of them share. It is possible that their love may fuel whatever power Bella has. Alice had said that he had spoken with Jacob and that although they wrestled around for a while, Jacob didn't seem as concerned about Bella's actions. He was more upset about being rejected.

_But Bella feeding off humans?_

_Inconceivable._

It simply wasn't her.

She would feel too much. It is possible that she would take on their human emotions and feel that as a burden. She had so many emotions as a human.

Although I honestly don't know what being a vampire has done to our Bella. But one's morals seem to carry over into this existence.

_There is absolutely no reason for her to be so out of character._

Our airplane began to descend. Before I knew it we were on the ground and out popped the Cullens. We scurried with the crowd, all eager to get their parcels from baggage claim. Once we reached our destination we headed out the doors into the outdoors. There was Edward. He was sight for sore eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in an eternity. The bags under his eyes seemed to have puffed out and his eyes were blood red. I only caught a glimpse from his glance when he peered over his night-time driving glasses. But that was enough. He had drank from humans.

_Oh Edward!_ _What have you done?_ The disappointment rang from my heart as I saw his shoulder slump even more as he heard my last thought. We all paused as we caught sight of his eyes. He could fool all those around us, but he couldn't pull one over his family.

We all came to, after a ghastly shock and flooded towards Edward; all of us bustling around him, bombarding him with questions. He remained silent and motioned us to follow him. He led us down the escalator and to a shabby shuttle bus that took us straight to hotel. No one even bothered to take a second glance that we carried absolutely no lunggage. For the first time in a while no one seemed to even notice us.

As soon as we were in the suite, Edward slammed the door with a loud bang, he plummeted onto the bed and began to tell me his tale of woe. He told me how he had found Bella. He said that he had been having these visions however couldn't seem to make them out.

I passed over that comment. He said that he had a run in with Jacob who told him that Bella was outside of Jacksonville in the swamps. Then he went into detail regarding the state of mind he found her in. Edward believed that she was in shock. The devastation in the background triggered his attention however he quickly dismissed it after he really took a look at his Bella. Edward described her as filthy, drenched in dry mud. He said that at the time it really hadn't occurred to him that she was the cause of all of that devastation.

_But how did he know that she caused a whole city to blow up?_

"Carlisle we spent a month together. I saw what she could do. She can control us all. She..."

"Enough, Edward. You are definitely traumatized by what happened. Tell me what powers she has exactly."

"She can control the elements; however it seems that they are tied into her emotions. I guess it seems more likely that she has a strong handle on her emotions. She can hide them completely and then release them. For example as she releases her anger, an orange energy wave consumes her extremities and she can emit the flames as she sees fit. If she focuses her attention on a tree, it will light on fire. She can set bodies on fire." He continued to tell us with great concern.

"Edward, what can she do when she is afraid or upset?" I thought aloud.

"Honestly, I am not sure. I mean she was more difficult to read than ever before. When I found her she was definitely upset and scared. But she wasn't using any powers. I think that she can control the wind when she is threatened, in other words in fear. At one point she sense that I might leave and I felt myself gravitated to a wall. It was as if a strong, wind blew me aside. It has been raining since I left her. I wonder if that is her." He bowed his head and peered away.

"Edward, why did you leave her?" asked Alice. "I don't understand what drove you to not want her anymore."

In astonishment, Edward popped his head up and looked quizzically at Alice. "Alice can't you see what Bella and I have done? Can't you see what she has become? I left her that is true, but I still want her. She probably believes that I don't love her anymore".

"And why would she think that?" Alice continued to pry.

"Because I had said that before when we left her in Forks"

_Oh no Edward._

Edward glanced at me as I thought about the devastation that Bella must be feeling.

"Edward if she is as strong as you say she is, then we need to get to her now." I ordered.

"No! You have to know what she can really do. You don't understand. I just didn't know how else to control myself. So I left."

Edward told us about the visions that had consumed his world for the past month. He told us in great detail. We came in closer to hear each word more clearer when all of a sudden, Edward stopped. He seemed fixated on a point on the bed. Then he brought his knees to his chest and screamed, "Bella please, stop, no more."

Alarmed I felt completely useless. What was happening to my son?

He seemed to be talking to Bella and wanting her to stop.

"Edward, if that is Bella, tell her that we want to talk to her and that we love her. Edward tell her!"

Edward seemed incapacitated. He remained motionless. Soon he sat back up again slowly and continued on his tale. He didn't want to talk anymore about what had just occurred. Perhaps he felt that by telling his story, the pieces would come together. Maybe he was hiding the worst for last. Unfortunately he didn't understand that we were running out of time. The final piece of the puzzle still remained to be heard.

Bella had apparently been creating these visions at least according to Edward. For some reason only he could see what she saw. He said that these visions were so enticing that all he could think about was being with Bella as they hunted their elixir. He explained that these visions were not at all like Alice's visions.

"Well at first I thought they were Alice's, then I i thought that God had granted me a glimpse of my angel in order to help me be closer to her. But finally I realized that she was summoning me to go to her. She showed me where she was. Each time I saw her as if I was right there." He looked around as he described each sensation that the delusions brought.

"Hmmmmmm, Edward tell me about the other visions some more. These people were evil, correct?"

"Yes, we would only hunt those that appeared in the vision." He said unprovoked.

"But, Edward, you would go through towns and not feed on a single soul in search of the one that called for you."

"Well, yes. But Carlisle that was Bella's way of convincing me that it was alright to kill. She skewed my world and let believe that they had all created a crime so heinous that it was better if they were dead. And I enjoyed it. I was fueled by their death. I soon became addicted to the high that came as a result of these feedings".

"Edward, I disagree." I pondered for a moment before continuing.

"Edward you need to tell us more. Who did you kill? What exactly happened right after the swamp?" Jasper inquired.

"I can't I am too ashamed!" Exclaimed Edward.

"But Edward, we can't help you or Bella if you don't tell us." Emmett tried to justify.

"I killed." He finally admitted. "I murdered more than 10 people."

The room was silent. We all knew he had fed off of humans.

"And I liked it." Edward added.

"She made me see these horrible visions of each one before. These visions grew in strength and they haunted me and then we tortured them and killed them. It was like a drug. I felt an incredible surge come over me and I thought how wondeful after each kill was and how I wanted more."

Jasper interceded. "That is not what I had felt after I killed. I had the urge to drink blood. I had the uncontrollable desire after a few weeks had passed and I finally gave in after a month. But the guilt that overwhelmed me afterwards is why I sought for a new lifestyle."

"I know, Jasper you are absolutely right. I hunted before based on their morbid thoughts. If I deemed them evil, then I would think that it was worth killing them just to have a taste. I was wrong. The lives I took back then still haunt me today. But that is why I am so troubled by these recent acts. Bella has some sort of hold on me. I feel nothing. No remorse. And this troubles me." Edward relaxed as he finally laid out his confession. 

"So how come you have control now" Rosalie finally spoke up.

"Before the euphoria would dissipate, another vision would consume me and I would grow incredibly thirsty. It was unbearable. I was hunting more often then ever before." He whined with distaste. He swallowed and then continued. "Now that I am away from her, I feel horrible, but not from the atrocities I committed. I feel bad because I abandoned her again. She probably thinks that I never want to see her again, and then she summons me and I, like a coward, tell her to leave me alone. She is the one who is alone."

"Alright, calm down, Edward. We will figure this out." I said in order to steady his ramblings.

Again I thought a little more about what Edward had said and I decided to put forth my beliefs on this whole situation.

Edward, all of these visions were intense and made you feel like "murdering" these specific victims. When you got there, were they really bad? I mean with your own senses and powers were you able to decipher that they were in fact who Bella proclaimed them to be?"

Edward, paused and responded, "No their thoughts were clouded most of the time. But some of these people had physical proof of what atrocities they committed."

Edward explained about the victim on the video camera and then he seemed to remember the vicious thoughts of two men also lusting after Bella. He told us that their thoughts definitely fell into place with the evils they had committed.

"Ok, what about innocent people? Did Bella ever kill an innocent person.?" I asked.

"No it was the strangest thing. We could go through two whole cities looking for the person that was in our vision. It's like I was thirsy because that is what captivated me, yet I wouldn't even consider having a taste of the thousands of people we passed en route. Perhaps I really wasn't thirsty. It was all a rouse." Edward's voice lightened.

"That is interesting. Where is Bella now?" I continued to think aloud.

"Carlisle what are you thinking?" Edward demanded.

"Bella is a new born vampire with the ability to see. She is what some ancient books have talked about as the dark angel. She is a vampire with heightened senses. Placed here on earth to do justice. She is to remove evil from earth. She kills those she is summoned to kill. "

"But Carlisle there are so many". Alice whispered. "I mean two per week is too many".

"Yes I know. But if she doesn't gain control over this power, someone like the Volturi will abuse of it. It sounds like she brought with her from her human experiences the power to control her emotions. She converts her emotions in the elemental powers and then is able to share those emotions with others. She has always had the power to block her emotions it only makes sense that she gain full control to hide and share her emotions. She probably doesn't neeed to hunt as often as she does. She has to find her purpose." I finished up.

"So with these visions she is doing good? " Alice beemed.

"Well yes but she may not know that." Edward joined in with enthusiasm.

"She can step over to the dark side. The Volturi would do something to abuse of her powers. She can't be alone. Edward how will she feel after you've left her again? We need to go to her now. Edward, are you alright after feeding off humans?" I made a move for the door and motioned for my family to follow me.

"Yes. It doesn't seem to even faze me. It was as if I was helping her do her deed. And I abandoned her." Edward continued to oscillate between grief and motivation to help her.

"Yes, exactly and that is her power. If she gets this vision of an evil doing human she feels compelled to make it right. This in a newborn vampire appears as thirst and the reward is unbelievable as you have already experienced. But she can wait for another vision and have another human commit the crime for her. Ending both of their tyrants. She needs to learn to make use of her strengths." I managed to get my family out the door and realized I didn't know where we were heading.

_Edward where would she be?_

She is where I left her if we aren't to late. Carlisle, thank you" He whispered.

_Your welcome, my son._

**A/N: I hope this chapter clarified any confusion any of you had. If any are still in the dark please review and I'll try to tie it in the next two chapters. **

**Please read and review.**_  
_


	22. Tickling My Brain

**EPOV**

I hurried through the city at full speed. Carlisle, Emmett, Alice and Jasper accompanied me in the cool silver Mustang GT rental. My destination was the last place that I had seen my angel.

_I could picture her still curled in a small ball on the floor with smoke rising all around. She appeared in need; in need of me. I told her to stop. She looked so hurt, so devastated by my plea. I may have lost her forever. I hope, I hope that she is still there._

I stepped on the gas harder even though it was already at full throttle.

I had no idea if Bella would still be there. My angel, the person who showed me that my existence could be so much more. I swore to never harm her; to be there for her and never leave her again. And in her moments of weakness I collapse. All I could think about is how I left her at her most vulnerable time when she needed me most. _What kind of monster am I?_

I was so confused. What Carlisle had said really did make sense. _But how did he know? _How could Bella's actions be considered good? When has Carlisle ever condoned killing humans? He hadn't even laid eyes on my Bella.

She could simply be a killer. Yet there were so many indescrepencies. _I understood that I was wrong, again._ I had thought that I was under a spell. How could killing humans be good? I am so confused._ Here I go again doubting my love. But it was so enchanting to be with her. I had no control over what I was doing, or did I?_

Desperation hit me as I realized that my Bella would not still be there. She hates me! She's going to leave and never come back. What would I do if I thought that I had lost the love of my life forever? Well we know that I would wallow in my own misery holding on to that ounce of hope that she is still there._ But if I knew for sure that my Bella was dead or had rejected me, I knew exactly what I would do. I would find the Volturi._ But Bella doesn't really know about them, does she? I glanced at Alice with worry in my eyes and she raised a curious eye brow at me.

"Alice can you see the Volturi?" I impulsively inquired.

"Edward, what are you thinking? Yes, I can, I'll try but why? What am I looking for?" She responded already going into a daze as she peers into the elites' future.

Jasper turned to look at me and attempted to comfort me, "Edward, she doesn't know about them. Why would she be there?"

"Look, I can't hear her, Alice can't see her. I am just thinking that is the worst place for her to be and I don't want her there. Carlisle mentioned that if they caught wind that she may be there then she can possibly turn to the dark side" _Although a part of me already believes that is where she has turned. _I retaliated more out of fear to what Jasper said than out of anger.

Alice's head bobbed up and she opened her eyes with a gasp. "Edward is right, she will go to them. They don't find her. She finds them. Aro is ecstatic to find such a new power. He is convincing her brothers to give her a chance. They are all testing their strengths on her to no avail. Jane is angry that she can't hurt this new person. I can't see Bella, but I know they are excited about a new vampire with great strength. Aro wants to keep her and invite her to be part of their guard..." Alice trailed off with how we had to save her. _As if I didn't know that already._

A feeling of dread consumed my body as a vision crept into my mind.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BPOV**

I could feel the branches bounce off of my face. I didn't care if they scratched me. It didn't hurt anyway I was so hurt inside already nothing seemed to faze me. It's all over. He really doesn't want me. I knew that the first time he left me. I knew. That is why I fell into such a deep depression. How could anyone think that I am so great? Yet I rose from my deep slumber with a new sense of hope; of determination. I was truly convinced that my Edward had been lying, that he indeed did care for me as I cared for him.

Boy was I wrong.

He proved once again that he can't stand to be with me. I am a monster now and not even worth his protection. I wanted to show him that I was strong now. I wanted to show him that I loved him instead I fell prey to the hunger within. I still don't feel guilty about those I killed. I hate myself for losing him; for pushing him away. My Edward.

I am so hurt right now. The devastation, the loss of someone so great. My god, my eternal man chiseled out of marble, glorious in every way chose to have a chance at heaven's gates than to burn with me in hell. And that is where I am.

I reached the end of the small forest. A long road crossed in front of me. This would go faster if I had a car. But I looked a mess with leaves and twigs tangled in my hair, blood covering my shirt.

Perhaps I could convince a passerbyer that I had been attacked and was in need of assistance. Then they can drive me to where ever.

Who am I kidding, I'll just kill them. Or would I? Maybe I can just kick them out of their car and take it over. A strong breeze picked up behind me. I caught an odd ferocious smell. _Jacob?_

No, he left me too. _Correction, I told him to go. _

I continued to run until I saw a fast car. I wouldn't hurt anyone I would just borrow it for a while. I had to find my salvation now. I know it's too late. I have killed too many. God will never accept me as Edward and all those I love have allowed me to leave their good graces. I can't bear to survive any longer. These Volturi need to help me. They will have the answers I seek. They are old and wise. All old beings have the answers. Perhaps I can summon them to come get me.

I stopped dead in my tracks, on the paved asphalt. I closed my eyes and focused in on the faces of those three curious individuals that I had one day seen on the wall of Carlisle's study. I focused on the one with long black hair, surrounded by a dark cloak, he became real. I could see standing there confused staring at me.

"What is this?" He inquired.

"I summoned you. My name is Bella and I need your guidance. I hear that you are part of the Voluri. I am lost. I can't control my new powers and all have abandoned me." I pleaded.

"Where are you my sweet Isabella? We can come and get you if you so desire." His voice was like velvet. He walked over to me and reached out his hand in a what appeared to be a comforting gesture, but I could see in his eyes that he searched for more. His had landed on my shoulder and a strange look appeared on his face. "Perhaps in person, this would work better."

"What would work better?"

"I have a special way of getting to know others with physical contact. But I am not really there and you are not really here."

Already I felt at ease. He was so gentle yet so direct. He would be able to help me. I told him to meet me at the nearest airport. That I was running and that I didn't want to stay put. _I could still pick out the fowl smell that Jacob once carried. _

He told me that he would personally come for me.

I slowly got up and began running again. I would have to clean up before I got on a plane. I would also need a passport. I had a lot to do. I continued to hurry as I planned out a way to be able to get my necessities met.

As focused as I had become, I really just wanted the misery to end. I was burning inside. I can taste this horrid flavor on my tongue and I feel this endless dread consuming me like ants crawling up my arm and into my skin. There is nothing I can do to stop this invasion from tickling my brain. I hurt, I hurt so bad that I feel nothing but pure pain. I have lost my companion forever. My soulmate. Well, that is what I thought he was.

I just want help. I want someone to tell me that it is ok. But that help will never come because I am so bad, too powerful and out of control.

My only salvation is to be gone and never to return._ I want to die._

No, I want him. I want him to do what he was meant to do. I want him to be tough. I want him to be stronger than me and take care of me.

I wanted to pretend that I was strong but I am not. I wanted to show him that we were equals not just Superman and Lois. But now we are no one. I am a worthless coward; a nobody.

_He's never coming back._

I want him. I need him. He was my light, my savior, my hope.

I want him to take care of me and protect me when no one else can. He swore he would never leave me and that he would always protect me.

_Where is he now?_ I screamed with agony inside.

_Never to come. I scared him away forever. For I am a monster._

I tried to be with him. No, he tried to be with me. But he didn't stop me and when it became too much for him, he left me.

Instead of stopping me or talking with me he just simply left. He left me alone with this huge overwhelming burden.

**Should I listen to the voices and my conscience or should I pretend that no one is bad no one has committed any sins?**

**should I ignore their slight cries for help?**

I can't. I don't know that what I have been doing is right. Maybe this Aro can help me. _Am I doing the right thing? _I can't explain these voices or these strange urgings to kill.

_Maybe I am just crazy. I can't take this anymore. Oh please help me!!!_

I stopped once last time as I neared the city. I couldn't go on. I felt so alone. This endless argument continued in my head. But then it got closer.

I looked up and saw him.

It was Jacob.

**A/N: Next Chapter is up tonight.**


	23. Impending Doom part I

**Impending doom**

**BPOV**

There he was staring back at me through the haze of the sun; radiating with hate and anger as he shivered away the pending transformation. His shiny, dark hair blowing in the breeze, his features hardened and his eyes pierced through me.

_He knows._

He knows and he was blocking my way to the city. I had to confront him. I didn't want to; I knew he could see right through me. I knew that he would know the sins I had committed._ Jacob must end my life._ I am no longer alone. I crept closer to him as he stood his stance. Like a predator ready to pounce, his fists were balled up and he was shaking under his shirt. I continued to take steps towards him. He'll either leave me or kill me.

A wind picked up and blew his scent over in my direction. I scrunched up my nose in response. It had been too long since I last had been around a werewolf. In fact it had been a while since I had really had any good company. I realized how much I missed Jacob. I became impatient and changed my pace. In an instant I was at Jacob's side and beaming. I jumped at him and hugged him tight. His arms stayed by his body, motionless as I squeezed him tighter. Finally Jacob responded, "Eww, Bella! You stink!"

I giggled and loosened my hold on him, but he stopped me from letting go and wrapped his long, warm arms around me. It felt good to be in his embrace. We stayed glued together like that for some time until he unfroze and ran his fingertips slowly up to my shoulders, lingering for a moment at my neckline, bringing his hands together, cupping my chin and tilting my head just enough to gaze directly into his dark eyes. It lasted only as long as my guilt would allow. I pulled away and Jacob hardened. I hated that I had been the one to end this beautiful moment. I wanted it to never end. But now being with him brought the realization that I was a monster. I have committed horrible acts and now deserve to pay. I shouldn't have the luxury of being with someone like Edward or even someone like Jacob.

"Bella, you look like hell." I winced at the words that came at me.

"Well hello, to you too, Jake."

"Sorry, Bella, but it's true. I knew something was off. Edward came looking for you and then he took off as if he'd seen something bad happened to you. He looked at me and spouted off something about leaving you to fend for yourself. Bella, I am sorry, I never meant to leave you all alone. I..."

"Shh, Jacob, I wouldn't beat yourself up. I asked you to go, remember?" I interrupted.

"I didn't realize, I guess I always thought of you as the strong one. I am sorry. I forgot that you needed looking after."

"Jake, that is not your role. You can't blame yourself. Besides, what are you doing here? Did you come all this way to offer your services or are you here to check on me again? Big bad Jacob, that's it you're here to set me straight, well you're too late. Your Bell is gone." I had become livid.

Jacob took a step back from me and stared.

"What have you done Bella? What is so bad that you think that I will never love you again?"

He used the word love. _Jacob loves me._ No, he won't after he figures out that I have killed so many.

"I have to go. I am meeting some people at the airport and I am going to be late."

Jacob looked hard at me, "Who are you meeting and what for?"

Jacob looked concerned however he didn't have a clue.

"I am meeting some people that are going to help me with my problems."

"What problems Bella? I don't understand. What happened to you? What is wrong?"

I backed up from Jacob and looked straight into his inquisitive stare. My thoughts focused on Edward. I first thought of the love that I had been so foolishly wrapped in for the past 2 years. Then they lingered towards his family. The Cullens. Another tragedy. My whole life just thrown away by others. My father left me to my own demise with a mother who was more of my daughter than a parental figure. My mother leaving me for a mediocre baseball player. My first love, a sham, a broken promise. My best friend, an angry beast stepping to the sidelines to let me shrivel into nothing, a shadow. And of course, the Cullens, now just distant memories of a family that I once wanted to join. All alone here, everyone gone.

I let all of these emotions consume me. All the pain radiated to my limbs as they lit up in a deep orange glow. I looked back down the road and focused on a target. The fire blew from my arms and a ball of flames attacked the surrounding trees.

I stopped almost as quickly as I had started and took a peek at Jacob, who at this point was doing everything in his power to keep from transforming. He was shaking violently, trembling from head to toe. I stood still and then looked over at Jacob and willed him to calm down. He looked shocked but began to calm down. I opened up my mind and a vision came to me.

_I was standing in the airport. But it was no longer the airport. Many small fires burned in various areas of the terminals. Bodies sprawled on the floor surrounded me. The stench of death lingered in the stale air. Crimson dripped from the walls and stained the chairs. Pools of blood trickled together as the lights flickered on and off. In the distance I caught sight of three men in black with long billowing cloaks. Behind them dragged their guard, also in black garb. A loud noise rattled from behind me. But before I had a chance to investigate the perpetrator, the men in black all turned in unison and laid their deep ruby eyes upon me. The Volturi._

I came to from this vision and fell to the ground.

"Bella, you're shaking what's happening to you?" Jacob knelt down besides me and pulled me into his grasps. The moment that he touched me, Jacob collapsed to the ground and began trembling violently. He curled up into a ball bringing his knees up to his chest as his eyes glazed over into blank stare. He cringes in fear at the rush of emotions colliding into him. He opens his eyes, closes them and then rubs them now seeing the vision that I had just had.

Tragedy strikes the airport in only an hour and here we are laying on the street. Awareness and understanding bombard Jacob as he realizes that I am heading to the airport to meet these people.

"Bella, you can't go. That is suicide!"

"That is the point Jacob. I don't deserve to exist anymore."

Jacob, shocked, reached for my shoulders and firmly placed his hands on them.

"Bella, whatever you did, it's forgiven. Don't go." Jake said with the utmost sincerity in his eyes.

I glanced over at him, "Jake, Aro is here. He's coming for me. I asked him to come and take me away. I don't know what else to do. But irregardless, the disaster that is about to occur can't happen. We have to stop it!"

Jacob let go of me and took two steps back, "Come with me."

"Jacob, don't leave me. But this is too weird. The Volturi don't draw this kind of attention. This is atypical behavior for them. Something is not right. I have to figure it out. I am going. Are you with me?"

"Bella you're right. If something has them rattled then surely you have to do something to prevent this from happening. But Bella, what if this is all a facade? You can't go to them, what if it's all trap? They are summoning you. There were no survivors in that vision. You can't be part of something like that."

"Jake, I am that. I am that monster. Maybe I do that damage and they are there to stop me. I have to know. I can't let that happen."

Jacob's face straightens as his decision is made. My chest tightens as I realize the way he has chosen.

Alone again.

"Bella, I'll be back, I just have to do this one thing. Promise me you'll wait? What am I saying? Bella, I am leaving, I can't stay."

With one last glance, Jacob mumbles to me, "Be safe, Isabella."

**A/N:**

**I am so sorry that I haven't posted in over a month. At first I simply got consumed with Eclipse. Although it only took me three days to read, I had writer's block. I had really wanted to finish this story before I read Eclipse. Then my home flooded and I have been dealing with clean up and repairs. It's been difficult, depressing and energy draining. But I assure you that I am back. There will probably be another 3-5 chapters. It is all outlined however you know how it gets when you start writing...**

**Please be patient with me. I'll try to post again by tomorrow. **

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